What Flirting Does?
Flirting is the key to a successful seduction. If you master flirting, you will also master the art of seduction and vice versa. All masters of seduction also have skills in flirting.
You build rapport
“Rapport” simply means that she likes to talk to you, and feels good doing it. When you are flirting, you usually aren’t talking about anything heavy or deep. You are probably talking about something fun, or silly. She feels pleasure, and you feel pleasure. This creates rapport.
You make her feel safe by returning to the same topics again and again
As you’ll see in this chapter, in flirting you’ll often have a “running joke” with a woman. For example, Frank, a 44-year-old college instructor, has been flirting with a woman at his local health food store for several weeks. She’s pretty, red-haired, tattooed, and in her mid-twenties. Franks thinks she’s quite beautiful, and that she’d probably be a lot of fun in bed. The first time he met her, she was wearing an old military shift and jeans, and he joked with her about her being a marine. “Hello, major,” he said to her. “I see you are wearing your fatigues. Doing some covert operations here at the health food store?” “Oh yes, she responded, immediately drawn into his silly idea. “I’m here watching everyone, to make sure there are no foreign spies.” They joked along this line for a while, and as he left, Frank said, “I’d better leave – I don’t want to blow your cover!” and she laughed. Since then, every time he’s come in they’ve built on this comic scene. She’s always happy to see him, and loves the special little world they create together. Plus, he always has something to talk with her about.
Flirting lets you get to know her to see if you want her
Contrary to what you might think, you really don’t want to get involved with every attractive woman you meet. We’ll talk about this more in coming blog, but for now, simply understand that flirting is a chance to find out if a woman is dangerously unstable, or a cold fish who is not interested in sex.
So how do you use flirting to evaluate a woman’s stability? First, flirting helps you gauge her fear of you. If she has an enduring fear of you, she might not be worth pursuing. It’s important to understand, however, that there is a difference between this enduring fear and the temporary fear that almost all women will experience when they first meet any man.
At first, you’ll be flirting through her fear, overcoming it with your certainty that everything will be okay. After your second or third interaction with her, however, she should be lightening up and joking back with you. If she isn’t, you can certainly keep flirting with her to keep in practice, but you should probably give up on her as someone who you’d want as a sexual partner. A woman who can’t play with you will not be fun to be in any kind of relationship with.
Similarly, you may discover that she is extremely sensitive and easily offended. If your flirting with her makes her angry, or if she delivers a lecture about how “there are some things you just don’t joke about,” you know that you want to avoid her. Likewise, if she starts to cry, or interacting with her scares you or makes you want to cry, you should avoid her as well.
Flirting helps her feel safe with you
Remember women’s number one fear when they first meet you? They are rightfully worried about whether you are dangerous or not. If you are able to be playful with a woman, she relaxes. Subconsciously she reasons, “He’s making me feel good. Therefore, he’s not dangerous.” Men who can’t flirt often scare women because they are so tense and cold that the woman’s natural fear of men is amplified, rather than dampened. When you can flirt playfully, you also show women you aren’t overly concerned about hurting her.
Flirting gets her used to the idea of being romantic with you
When you flirt with a woman, you create a different, imaginary world for the two of you. It’s a small step from this world of flirting to the world of romance.
Flirting gives you opportunities to practice your seduction skills
We suggest that all our students flirt with women constantly. Flirting gives you a chance to nibble away at learning seduction, like a mouse eating cheese, until you have mastered seduction. When you are first learning to flirt, it is important that you do it with all women, not just the ones you are attracted to.
Flirting makes you generative
When you flirt, you are always creatively making up new ways to delight the women who interest you. You can’t do this if you are into being depressed, needy, resentful, moody, or shut down. To flirt well you have to be energetic and creative. Ultimately, women like to be with men who are generative. Fortunately, practicing flirting as I describe will actually take you out of your moodiness and make you into the alive, vital kind of man who gets women.
Flirting gets you the date!
There’s not much more to say. The more you flirt successfully with a woman, the more natural it will be for her to want to go out with you.
Your Goal In Flirting
When Bruce leaves the bank, he’s left the teller delighted, and looking forward to seeing him again. Indeed, this is Bruce’s goal. In any flirting situation with a woman, your goal is for her mind to connect the idea of seeing you with pleasure. Any effective seducer knows that women respond to their emotions, not to their logical minds. An effective seducer uses flirting to get women to have happy emotions every time they see him.
Flirting makes women happy to see you through a process called “anchoring.” Anchoring simply means that a certain stimulus – be it a sight, a sound, a smell, or a person – is always connected to a certain feeling. Most people, for example, see a police car in their rear-view mirror, siren blaring and lights flashing and connect with the feeling of fear. Their feelings automatically respond to the police-stimulus, their heart pumps, and they feel afraid. The two are anchored together.
Similarly, Bruce knows that he is the stimulus, and the feeling he wants to create is happiness in the woman. Just as a person automatically responds with fear to seeing a flashing police light, Bruce wants women to automatically respond to his presence with pleasure. He knows that flirting is the structure in which he makes this happen.
So You’ve Found The Women To Talk To: Now How Do You Do It ?
Many men are very analytical in their approach to life. They think about life practically, and they think about women practically. They get caught in the paralysis of analysis. This is a huge error. Romance is not practical, logical, or even sensible.
Bob thinks women and romance should be logical. When he’s been attracted to women and had the nerve to actually approach them, he’s figured that it’s best to be direct. “After all,” he says, “women like men who are direct and honest. What could be more honest than telling them about my attraction to them?” He’s tried to seduce women friends by explaining to them how logical it would be for them to have relationship. “You say you like me, and I like you. It doesn’t make any sense for us to not get involved!” He’s never understood why they’ve said no to him. His practical, logical approach drives women away.
What is Flirting?
To date women successfully you must master flirting. Flirting is not practical or direct. But it does follow basic principles, and once you understand them, you’ll be miles ahead of other men in talking to and being successful with women.
Think about kids playing together. They don’t cry to accomplish anything; all they are interested in is games. They take on roles with each other effortlessly. They play cowboys, and one kid is the cowboy, another is the Indian. Or they play house, and one kid is the father and the other is the mother. Or they play doctor, and one kid is the doctor while the other is the patient. (That’s the kind of playing you want to do with adult women!) They dress up to get into the roles better. They let their imaginations run free. It’s all ultimately meaningless, but they don’t care; they just want to have fun.
They also love games, both pre-made and ones they make up. And most of the time, they aren’t overly concerned about winning. Just being together playing is enough to make them happy. Kids relate by playing, and if they can play, they feel relater to each other, though they don’t think about it that way. Playing is a way of being in “the zone” together.
Adults play differently. First, let’s look at how men play with men. I usually don’t think of it as play, but watching sports together, or talking about sports, is a way men play with each other. After all, sports are ultimately meaningless: which team wins the NBA title this year really isn’t going to make that big a difference in the grand scheme of things. It really isn’t. Sorry. But the point is, by caring about it together, by watching the games, yelling and screaming at the players together, and keeping track of the player’s statistics, men play together. Because of all this, they are feeling the togetherness and un-self-conscious love for each other that kids feel.
The other way men play together is through joking with each other and playing jokes on each other. The little jokes that men make about each other, the loving insults traded back and forth, are bonding for men.
Men and women, on the other hand, play together differently. As most men have discovered, playing with women the way they do with men doesn’t work. Women aren’t interested in sports statistics. And the jokes you make with your buddies only offend the women you know. Having learned this stuff the hard way, men decide to not play with women at all. They approach women the way Bob does, logically and practically. And they get no results at all.
Flirting is the way men and women play. If you can’t flirt, you can’t play with women, and if you can’t play with women, they won’t be romantically interested in you. Flirting is one of the ways women find out what you’ll be like as a lover, and what you’d be like in a relationship. If you aren’t playful, imaginative, and fun to be with when she first meets you, what will you be like to date? And what will you be in bed? Bob impresses the ladies as a cold fish. He seems stiff, analytical and calculating. Even if he can logically show them they should be interested in him, his lack of playfulness doesn’t touch them inside. His outcome-oriented approach is anything but playful.
Let’s look at how Bruce, an accomplished flirter, handles women he is attracted to. At the bank, for instance, he flirts with the cute female teller as he makes his deposits. “So,” he asks with a smile. “Do you get to keep a percentage of all the money you take in each day? It only seems fair, don’t you think?” She laughs and says, “Oh, that would be nice, especially on payday.” He jokes that “but then you might get docked a percentage of the money that goes out! We can’t be having that happen to you!” She laughs again, and notices her connection with him. As he leaves he says, “Thank you, O Banking Goddess!” “It’s not a bank – it’s a credit union!” she laughs after him. He leaves, and thinks about how happy she’ll be to see next time.
Bruce knows that flirting with a woman creates opportunities. It’s a chance to have fun interacting with a woman, to build up to asking her for a date, and to pre-qualify women to see if they are interested in sex and relationships. When Bruce flirts, he has fun and makes women like him. He finds out how responsive they are to him, and prepares them for going out with him. Teaching you how to do this is the focus of this chapter.
Seductive Poetry
You can find short seductive poetry from books in the library, Shakespeare collections, or better yet, write some of you own. Something cheesy like the following will work well.
You,
I saw your lips move as you moved past me
My heart races as I think of your eyes,
I wish I could be the air you breathe,
You,
I want you
You,
I lust in my heart for you
You,
In candlelit rooms we enter each other
We disappear for hours in tender kisses
You,
My special angel, I want only you.
Reading poetry provides a way for women to talk to you and a reason for you to talk to women. It will give you confidence and let women know you are a romantic guy. As we’ll discuss later, when you describe a state of mind or a feeling, like lust and desire, the person you are speaking to will automatically remember what it is like when she feels that state. When you read a romantic poem, all the women in the audience will have to recall times when they felt the feelings you describe in your poems. Those are the feelings you want them to have, and it makes it easier for you to talk to them later.
Gimmicks can get women talking to you. As you develop your ability to come up with gimmicks that attract women and express some special part of yourself, you’ll find yourself surrounded by women who want to be with you.
Babe Bait: Gimmicks That Make Women Want to Meet You
Every highly successful ladies’ man has some sort of a gimmick. Elvis used his fame, wealth, and charm to get any woman he wanted. JFK used his power as President to sleep with hot babes like Marilyn Monroe. Wilt Chamberlain used his basketball prowess to sleep with thousands of women. Since you probably aren’t rich and famous, you will have to come up with more creative ways to attract women’s attention. Here are some possibilities.
Dogs/dog related activities
Women love dogs. Dogs remind them of a carefree time in their childhood when they would dream of horses, puppy dogs, and Barbies. Not only do most women think dogs are “cute” (especially puppies), most of the people who go to dog training workshops and attend conventions are women.
Sure, you like dogs. They are fun to play ball with. Maybe you had a big dog when you were a kid, and some of your best memories are of your attempts to get your dog to bite people. While you probably associate them with pleasure, you may not associate dogs with romance, charm, and meeting women. You should. Believe us, dogs can be used as the perfect gimmick for shy guys who have a hard time making the first move.
Go to personal growth seminar
Do you want to meet an emotionally open woman who is willing to see you as a magical solution to her problems? Could this solution include a hot night with you? A personal growth seminar may be your ticket.
One of the key elements of most seminars is the deep level of bonding that quickly happens between participants. At a personal growth seminar, you will be in a group of people who are there to break out of their normal day-to-day routines and try something new. This can be good environment for you to experiment with new behaviors with women who will be much more receptive than those on the street or in a café.
Another element of most seminars is that they stress honesty. Usually this means emotional honesty. People who reveal their innermost secrets are often rewarded by the group leaders and gain the respect of fellow seminarians. This environment is perfect because you can come across as Mr. Sincere and Mr. Emotionally Honest & Available when you are actually just hitting on women.
Volunteer for causes
Do you remember what the biggest obstacle is when you meet a woman? The correct answer is that she will be concerned about whether or not you are violent and who will harm her. When she meets you at a volunteer event this concern can disappear quickly. What kind of men volunteer to help worthy causes? Guys who are trustworthy, honest, and responsible.
Many opportunities to volunteer for causes will lead to meeting women. You will usually be working side by side with a woman, or will have a woman leading a team of volunteers (this is an added bonus for all the submissive guys out there). Women volunteer for causes much more than men, so in the crowd of women volunteers you will be a novelty. Women will think that you are sensitive, moral, and safe, and your net worth to a woman will increase.
Volunteering is a good way to not only meet women, but to increase you net worth around them. You develop confidence and begin to focus on someone else for a change. This is a skill you will need if you ever want to have a long-term relationship.
Magic Tricks
This gimmick is time consuming on the front end. You have to learn a few tricks and practice them. Your guy friends may think you are a freak, but the women you meet with magic will be charmed.
Women love to be entertained by men. Learning a wide range of magic tricks can prove useful in meeting women in any situation.
Carry something odd
The downtown shopping area is filled with shoppers. Women in groups are window shopping and thrilled to be out spending lots of money at their favorite activity. Then comes you, the man holding the four-foot-tall stuffed bear or dog. The women laugh and want to touch it. “Where did you get it?” they ask.
This gimmick is very simple to use. The only requirement is the purchase or load of a large stuffed animal. Women will instantly be attracted to you and the animal. It is best if you sit on a bench or situate yourself in any easy accessible area that invites people to talk to you with ease.
Guys will think you are a dork. But while they are thinking that, you will be meeting women. It is best to start long conversations about your stuffed animal. The short conversations will be fun, but will rarely lead to dates. Focusing on longer conversations will insure more dates, and more long-term success.
Babies
Do you want to insure dates tonight? Borrow a friend’s baby and women will be all over you. Babies make all men look like great guys and will draw every woman in a 100-yard radius. They will instantly want to be with you and help with taking care of the baby. They will even want to date you just to be around the baby.
The obvious problem is that no sane person will loan you a baby so that you can go out and meet women. Realistically, the best strategy is to go around with a friend in hopes of meeting a woman. Taking a baby on a walk in a stroller with your male friend is much better. Women will want to come up and answer questions for you. If you pretend to be helpless and stupid it will work better.
Hand puppets
We once were sitting on a beautiful public outdoor terrace at the local university on a sunny afternoon, when a guy with a large, muppet-sized hand puppet arrived. We watched amazed as he took this charming puppet to each table, and charmed and entertained everyone there. He talked to all the women there, from the least attractive to the most, and ended up sitting with a group of laughing, giggly women. I never found out what happened to him and whether he got sex, but we admired his willingness to do what it takes to get the attention of women.
Read romantic poetry at poetry readings and open-mike events
With the explosion of coffee cafes, there has also been a rise in poetry readings and open-mike events. These are perfect opportunities to meet artistic women who would like an intellectual man to melt their hearts.
A woman wants to be with the kind of man who writes or recites poetry. She sees this type of man as a challenge. He is artistic, and so isolated from the world that no other woman has been able to reach him. She wants to be the one who finally brings him out of his shell.
You can get up and read anything and get women to talk to you. We recommend reading something romantic, as it will improve your chances of seduction. You could read a poem about how war is bad or how sad it is that children starve, but then women will be much less likely to respond. Read about love, and love you will get.
Gimmicks can get women talking to you. As you develop your ability to come up with gimmicks that attract women and express some special part of yourself, you’ll find yourself surrounded by women who want to be with you.
The Nine Secret Places To Meet Women
What follows is a list of places that you probably don’t associate as prime woman-meeting spots. However, these are wonderfully secret hidden sources of lonely women waiting for you. I recommend that if you show up at one of the following events or places and there are no women you are interested in, move on immediately. If you quickly move on, and keep going on to the next opportunity, you are destined for success.
1. Yoga classes
Your local yoga class is a great place to meet new-age women. Yoga, in case you don’t know, is a form of exercise similar to stretching. Yoga comes from India and was used as a form of transcending the body and mind together. A woman who has been active in yoga for years usually has a wonderfully toned body. That’s another added advantage!
2. Cooking classes
Who do you think is attending all the exotic cooking classes? Women, of course. Who do you think is concerned with making good quality food? Women. Remember the cliché phrase, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Women attend classes to make the men in their lives happy. Who do you think is not attending most cooking classes? Men. They are the ones missing out on the opportunity to meet women and learn great recipes.
Cooking classes are a great place to meet women for the same reasons as yoga classes are. In these situations, you are a rarity, a scarce resource. You will actually get rewarded for not knowing how to cook and botching up recipes. Women in the classes will end up feeling sorry for you and will often their services to help you. You can ask them for cooking dates to get them to your house. Furthermore, being in the class for six weeks or so will give you an opportunity to get to know the women in the class and let the seductions build on one another over time.
3. Church
A few years age I had a friend who claimed that church was the ultimate place to meet women. His name was Bart and he was the poster boy for geeks everywhere. He wore ‘50s-style glasses and outdated pants. However, Bart was always active in his church and a devout follower. He decided to use his faith to get women.
Bart began attending single events on weekends. He confessed to several members of his congregation that he was looking for a woman of faith. Since many churches like to promote dating and relationships from within their communities, many members of his congregation began setting him up.
4. Renaissance fairs
Summertime Renaissance Fairs happen everywhere, even in you area. While fairs of any sort are great to meet women, Renaissance ones are the best. These fairs attract the hippie, 1960s women who value peach, love, and freedom. In short, these are the types who will be open to meeting you and tend to be sexually open.
Another great place to meet women is with groups like the “Rainbow People.” The “Rainbow People,” as they call themselves, are basically hippies for the next millennium. They have local chapters in many communities, and the women can be quite, um, open. They also have week-long gatherings in the country at least once a year, where lots of sex occurs. But bring you own water; lots of dysentery occurs as well while people camp.
5. Outdoor music events
What would be more romantic than a concert under the stars? Women eat up this type of event. Depending on the type of musician who is performing, a concert can prove to be well worth the time and money.
Such a music event is a great place to meet women, if you are going alone. Single women attending in small groups are open to meeting men; instead, many of them go with that as their goal. If the music is jazz, classical, or pop rock (not punk or hard-rock). It will be easier to make a connection. The hard-rock outdoor shows will have lots of drunk underage women. Obviously, you have to watch out for women who look attractive and seem mature, but who in fact are 17.
6. The cooking utensil section of any store
Any gourmet cooking store is likely to have classy women hanging out looking at utensils. These are the places in which you have easy openings to talk. Your best bet is to visit on weekends. You can then approach a good looking woman and ask her questions about cooking utensils. Ask her for her advice on which garlic press is the best and which spatula would be good for French food.
The women shopping in these stores will probably be over 35. This is great if you are looking for marriage-minded women into serious relationships, or for a divorcee who would love some sex. This is not good if all you want is a roll in the hay with a 20-something girl.
7. Dance classes
Dancing close to a woman is still one of the most romantic things you can do. The old time male sex symbols are still popular among women because they possess a flair for charm and romance. Fred Astaire, Bing Croby, and others are still the fantasy of many women. Part of that charm was their ability to sweep a woman off her feet with dancing and romantic talk. They could be subtle and forward at the same time.
Dance classes are great places to meet women and start a seduction. First, women respect men who learn “old time” romantic activities, like dancing. They will hopefully cut you some slack if you are a crappy dancer – after all, you are attending the class to learn, aren’t you? Second, they will likely want to dance with you because so few men take dance classes that you are a rare commodity. And third, you will be able to flirt with them over multiple weeks, and seduce them slowly.
8. Bars associated with hotels where traveling businesswomen stay
Businesswomen on the tend to be open to sexual experimentation and tend to be more promiscuous. The “high end” hotels in your town will likely have many traveling businesswomen hanging out in the bar or lounge are late at night. Yes, they are lonely, and yes, they would love to have company. Just like their male counterparts, they get lonely on the road and want affection, love, and pampering from a man. You know how stressful it is to be on the road, not knowing anyone, and having to be in charge for hours a day at meetings. At the end of the day they want exactly what we want: a warm body, a good beer, and sex.
9. The internet
Shy? Scared of talking women? Scared of showing your romantic interest, taking charge and risking rejection? Of course you are. No problem, though: there is a place where you can practice seducing women where any rejection seems minimal, successes are easy, and you can refine your style and your understanding of seduction. This place is the Internet.
If you are lonely, shy and horny, you must get onto the international sex superhighway called the Internet. The parts of the Internet we are concerned with here are the World Wide Web, Personals Ad Newsgroups, and Internet Chat Rooms.
The bottom line is this: you have no excuse to not be meeting women, even if you are shy. If you offend a woman on the Internet, in a letter, or in voice mail message, she simply doesn’t write or call back. So what? The Internet is a place to build your confidence and develop your seduction skill mastery.
Because there is no magical solution, you won’t always be so lucky. However, you can persistent in going to places and attending events where women will be open to dating, and you will eventually have success.
The Four Easiest Places To Meet Women
Bruce is in the habit of visiting the same places regularly. This practice opens up many opportunities to ask out women and creates a basis for rapport. Social scientists have shown that the more you see someone and have contact with that person, the more attracted you are. This is called attraction by familiarity. This fact alone should inspire you to find ways to interact with the same people on a regular basis. Here’s a list of four places you can go in a regular basis to meet women and create an attraction by familiarity.
1. Coffee shops
Coffee shops are rapidly becoming the hottest new place to meet women. Singles all over the country are using them as potential pick-up sports. The trend is not just happening in Seattle. We’re sure your local coffee place has a good sampling of women.
Bruce demonstrated how useful it is to become a regular at a coffee shop. They tend to be like small communities. The same cast of characters shows up at approximately the same time every day. It is good for you to get into a routine with a place. This way you can get to know the regulars. A woman may be sipping hot java and hanging out with her friends. Or she may be reading a book or writing in her journal. Knowing many of the employees and regulars will also make it easier to meet other customers.
2. Restaurants
Restaurants are another great place to find dates. Women love to go out to eat. The better the food and more expensive, the more women like it. Again, restaurants put people in a festive mood and they’re open to new experiences. Besides, women love to get dressed up and go out. Even if you get rejected, it is good for your self-confidence to be interacting with women who are dressed attractively. The best restaurants in which to met women are ones with large bar areas an patio seating.
Waitresses are the best part of restaurants. By becoming familiar with a restaurant and the waitresses, you can easily turn food service into sex service.
3. Gyms
Everyone thinks gyms are crawling with singles looking for dates and sex. This certainly hasn’t been our experience. Perhaps working out at the most industrial gym in town doesn’t help. Gyms are good, however, for making contacts with women and getting occasional dates. We’ve often seen our gym full of chubby, married, middle-aged women, who look annoyed when you even glance at them. On the other hand, our students continue to report that they’ve met women at the gym. They comment that at the gym it is fun just to stare at the tight-bodied females.
I recommend the gym to you because working out improves your body, and, hence, your net worth with women. By working out a few times per week you can lose the gut and increase your stamina. It is even said to increase your testosterone levels.
The other advantage is that some women are looking for a man in the gym. By becoming familiar with a woman and her schedule, you can start conversations and work on her over time until you ask her out.
4. Bookstores
Are you looking for a sexy, smart, and untamed woman? By frequenting bookstores you can meet lonely intellectuals. Women you meet in bookstores will often be receptive to you because there you will find women who are smart and can’t find a guy. Why do you think women read so many romance novels and weird fiction anyway? Many bookstores are packed with women on Friday night. They are looking for something, and it isn’t just another Martha Stewart book.
One of my friends met an attractive woman looking at books in the Sex section of a large chain bookstore. Though he thought it was corny, he made a joke about the book she was reading. She was receptive to him and they joked about penis enlargement toys. Later, he got her e-mail address and they e-mailed back and forth for a few weeks, and later dated.
The other added bones about bookstores is that many of them have attached coffee shops, so you can meet a woman and then take her out for coffee right away to continue the seduction.
