A Highly Successful Seducer is always prospecting
A Highly Effective Seducer turns every situation with women into a prospecting situation. If you want an abundant sex life, you must learn to do this as well. One of Bob’s fatal flaws is that he has tunnel-vision in his pursuit. Though he is consistently unsuccessful, he thinks he “knows” that there are very few places he can meet women. He is wrong. The fact is, women are everywhere. There is no shortage of places to meet them. Some of the best places are ones you are in every day that you don’t even yet realize. Because Bob doesn’t realize this, he only flirts with women when he feels like it, not as practice. He doesn’t turn every situation into a prospecting situation.
The Effective Seducer is also like a hunter. A good hunter is constantly outside of his comfort zone. This means that he doesn’t hunt only in places that are easiest to get to. He goes to areas where he thinks the deer are, whether or not those places are always convenient. He makes it a higher priority to get his prey than to be in a comfortable situation. He gets up before dawn, hikes in the dark, sits in the cold, and waits patiently for a deer that may or may not come, because he knows that if he is consistent, he will eventually be successful. This is a model for us all.
Look at every situation you are in as a potential for meeting women. You can even look at every interaction with a woman, be it at a restaurant, in an elevator, while pumping gas, or at the doctor, as an opportunity to initiate the steps to getting a date and practicing your skills as a seducer.
A Highly Successful Seducer initiates everything with women
Men frequently fail to initiate with women. They either forget that it is essential, or they resent doing it. Perhaps they’ve been frequently rejected a lot by women. Perhaps they think they are so special that women will approach them and ask them out. Whatever the reason, here is what Highly Effective Seducers know: the man must always make it his responsibility to initiate every step of a romantic encounter. Effective Seducers never forget it! If you slack off, another man will be having sex with the woman of your dreams while you are home alone masturbating.
Men commonly think women give signals of interest the same way they would. This is a big mistake. Most men don’t realize that women do not do things the way men do. You must understand the crucial differences in how men and women respond to initiation.
For instance, if one of your buddies doesn’t call you back when you’ve initiated getting together, it is fair to assume he doesn’t want to accept your invitation. This is not the case with women. Women are trained to play hard to get, and are programmed to give mixed messages. It isn’t personal. In fact, you will be a much happier man if you just keep initiating; don’t take anything a woman does personally.
A case in point: a hot woman will never ask you out and will rarely call you back. If you really want her, you have to prove your worth. You will have to prove you are persistent and patient, and that there is something that sets you apart from the others. When a friend of ours met a beautiful 20-year-old woman at a bar, he initiated and got her phone number. He called her several times and she didn’t call back. He kept initiating phone calls and finally talked to her. They set a date for coffee and she didn’t show. He initiated another call and set up a date with her. On the next date he slept with her. His success was built on his persistence and willingness to initiate. What he didn’t do was take it personally, resent the woman, whine to her, or give up.
Just in case you are totally brain dead, here is a list of initiations you must make: the first eye contact, the first smile, talking to her for the first time, keeping the conversation going, asking for her phone number, calling her up, calling her again when she doesn’t call you back, asking her out, asking her out again when she “forgets” to shop up, all eye contact and touching on the date, the first kiss, every single sexual initiation, and any subsequent dates. In a short-term erotic relationship you will also have to initiate the breakup.
A Highly Successful Seducer always pursues more than one woman
In interviewing and modeling the behavior of Effective Seducers, I learned a terrible truth: if you are trying to become an expert seducer, pursuing only one woman is worse for your sex life than pursuing none at all.
Why is this so? Because when you are pursuing only one woman, you have no backup plan. You have all your eggs in one basket. You can’t be playful and pursue her unconcerned with outcomes, because if she’s your only prospect, she’s your only chance for sex. You’ll get overly concerned that if things don’t work out you won’t have anyone else to pursue. It most likely will make you dependent on her in some way. You will likely push her away from this dependency attitude. Further, if after a few dates she doesn’t like you, then you will feel that there is something wrong with you. Your inability to relax with her will drive her away and leave you feeling bad about yourself.
Many of my friends have fallen into this trap. You can follow all the other habits of the Highly Effective Seducer, but if you pursue only one woman, you will never experience an abundant sex life.
Women are attracted to men who are relaxed, creative and exciting. Pursuing more than one woman brings out both of these qualities because it keeps you engaged with life in a creative exciting way. When you know the woman you are after is one of many, her response matters less than it would if she were your only hope for sex. You can be more relaxed, because you aren’t risking offending your only possible sexual partner. If you do lose her for some reason, you can just move on to the next woman.
A Highly Successful Seducer sees dating as a numbers game
Highly Effective Seducers constantly remember that dating like so many areas of life, is a numbers game. Crass as it may seem, dating women is like selling a product. Instead of selling a vacuum cleaner or some other product, however, you are selling you. Salesmen know that they rarely make a sale on the first call they make. They know that if they do it was luck, and they can’t count on it again.
An Effective Seducer expects that one in ten of the women he flirts with he’ll go out with, and that one in four of the women he goes out with he’ll have relationship with. He’s accepted these facts of life. He thinks it’s like baseball: those who hit the most home runs also have the most strikeouts. He understands that it’s not personal when women say “no” to him, don’t show up, or reject his advances. It’s all part of the game he’s playing which he knows will eventually get him in bed with women he desires. All he has to do is keep initiating, flirting, asking women out, and following the principles in this blog, and sooner or later he will be having relationship. So he keeps initiating with that end in mind.
Ineffective seducers don’t see seduction as numbers game. They take the rejections and difficulties personally. Instead of knowing that they are working their way through inevitable rejection to inevitable success, they get caught up in their momentary bad feelings. As a result, they lose sight of the inevitability of their goal. They eventually five up, while the Effective Seducer goes on to succeed.
A Highly Successful Seducers knows that rejection is the key to relationship prosperity
You're on the third date. You know it's time to make your move. She seems to like you. But who can tell? Maybe she's still wondering why she decided to go out on a date with you in the first place. But you have to make sure your move now. After all, you are ready. But what if she says "no" ??
Or perhaps you aren't even out on a date yet. Maybe you are looking across the room at her, that unmet angel, that wonderful woman who you wish you could bring yourself to talk to. You could go up to her. This could be your only chance. But what if she rejects you? What if she's mean to you? What if she say "no" ??
The Highly Effective Seducer sees things completely differently. Rather than seeing rejection as a reflection of his value as a man, the Highly Effective Seducer has one rule about rejection: "Rejection us the key to relationship prosperity". An Effective Seducer thinks about rejection differently than does an ineffective seducer. He makes better decisions about what a women's rejection means to him.
To the Highly Effective Seducer, rejection is a stepping stone to massive sexual success because he sees it as one more "no" he doesn't have to hear on the way to an inevitable "yes" with some other woman. After that same interaction, an Effective Seducer might say to himself, "Wow, she sure didn't have much of a sense of humor. I wonder if she's not feeling well. Perhaps she had a friend die from suffocation in a plastic bag. Who knows? " If he does think that she didn't like him, his only thought is "Well, it's a good thing I found out now, before wasting more time and energy on her. Now I can concentrate on all the women who will want to be with me!" The Highly Effective Seducer explains the interaction to himself in such a way that he feels good about himself. He's gotten one more "no" out of the way, and can move on to the "YES" from some other woman.
Here are the basic principles the Highly Effective Seducer follows in the face of rejection, which you must also follow. First, he leaves his self-image out of it. He comes up with an explanation for her rejection that has to do with her, or with circumstances, rather than with him. He thinks to himself that "She must have a boyfriend", rather than "I must not be attractive".
Second, he redirects his attention. Rather than giving his brain an opportunity to dwell on the rejection, he thinks about something else instead. He asks "What's on the dessert menu"? or "What's on TV tonight"? If his brain does go back to the rejection, he reminds himself it's one more "no" he won't have to hear on his way to an inevitable "YES". The Effective Seducer does not allow rejections to mean that he is unworthy or bad in any way, Though we dislike the overly new age/positive thinking movement, we saw a poster recently that poignantly sums up our points. It said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take".
A Highly Successful Seducer doesn't get upset at her “no's”
One of the myths in dating and seduction is that as a man you should be able to just go out and meet a beautiful woman on the street and have her back in your bed in minutes. We can recall times in high school thinking that “a real man” could just go out and pick up a woman effortlessly, which we later realized is a near impossibility. If you are a rock star or already very famous, it could happen, but for most of us there is almost no chance.
To meet women and have relationship with them is often a lengthy process. Along the way you will have to face all sorts of trouble, problems, rejections, etc. the number one thing that stops most men from being successful is that they give up when women ambiguously or uncertainly say “no”. From our vantage point, women most certainly will say “no” along the way. We view the dating scene as a game and part of it is that women will, predictably, say “no” at some point. You have to improvise a way to stay motivated and focused on your goal without pushing them in a way they resent. You need to develop a tougher skin regarding rejection.
A Highly Successful Seducer knows it’s his job to pursue relationship; and that she has the final say
Men and women play a very elaborate game of cat-and-mouse. Men pursue and women either accept, reject or play hard to get. As men we often love the process, even though it seems tedious at times. A woman likes to know that you are persistent and worthy of her affections. As men, we love the conquest. We love the accomplishment of taking this woman who at first seemed like an impossibility and of knowing that we now “have her”.
Pursuing is paradoxical. On one hand it is your job to pursue sex and go after what you want. On the other hand, she always has the final say. You must go at her speed and yet push at the same time. Even if it doesn’t seem ‘fair’ to you, you must stop when she says, no matter what.
When men don’t listen to women’s “no” they are risking many severe problems. The biggest one is being accused of rape. This is a real threat.
A Highly Successful Seducer never grovels for relationship
Groveling may get you relationship, but let’s look at the cost: First, even though groveling may have gotten you relationship this time, it won’t work in the future. Groveling erodes your self-respect, and a man without self-respect is not sexually attractive to women. So this leads to more groveling and begging for sex, which erodes your self-respect even more. Eventually you have no self-respect, no self-esteem, and must live as a worm groveling through every interaction with women. Is that what you really want ?
Second, how you are in pursuing relationship is how you are in pursuing your life. If you are able to have fun, be playful, and pursue a goal consistently but not be attached to the outcome, you will be successful both in life and with women. However, if you get into the habit of groveling and begging with women, you will be a groveling beggar in the bigger realms of your life. To some degree you’ll grovel to your boss, to sales clerks, parents, everybody. You will be a true loser with no self-respect, no self-esteem.
Third, women become sadistic and will take advantage of a groveling, no self-respect man. They’ll take your money, time, and will toy with you sexually, finally ditching you without putting out. In the process they will purposefully make you miserable. One women told us about a man she dated who would always grovel for sex. The man would snivel and whine whenever he wanted in a way that she found disgusting. As a result, she made him buy her all sorts of expensive gifts. She even made him give her his credit card so she could use it to buy expensive clothes. The problem with this guy was threefold. One, he didn’t realize that he was being exploited and punished for his whining. He lost his self-respect and was too naïve to realize it. Two, he didn’t notice that he was being overcharged for sex with this woman. Three, he inevitably lost her. He never really got the sex he wanted, and she got rid of him when she became bored.
Whining, begging, and groveling for relationship are behaviors you must stop if you want to become a Highly Effective Seducer.
Modeling Successful Seducers
In the quest of become reliably successful with women, we made use of the concept of modeling. Modeling, in this case, does not mean runway models or centerfold models. It means that we modeled our behavior after men we met who seemed successful with women.
You can also use modeling in learning about success with women. Say you know a man who always seems to be in romantic relationships with hot women. He never seems to have any problems getting as many women as he wants, and seems to exactly the sex life he wants. If you were to make this man your model, you wouldn’t simply ask him how he does it, because he probably wouldn’t know. What you would do is observe him. You’d look at how he dresses and moves, and dress and move the same way. You’d watch how he behaves with women, and try to behave the same way. You’d ask him what he’s thinking at different times in a date, and think the same way. You’d ask him about his beliefs about women, and use the same words and sentences. In time, you’d have the same success he does. And you would be able to adapt what you’ve learned from him to best suit you.
“It’s An Attitude”
I think that saying “the secret of success is to have a better attitude” is about as useful as saying “the secret of success is to have success”. Attitude and success are both outcomes of doing certain things on a consistent basis. When you understand dating inside and out, know what to do when and how to do it, you again automatically have the right attitude and have success.
You’ve Got What It Takes
If you’ve ever learned any skill, then you can learn how to succeed with women. You’ve simply never been taught how. Like any skill, once you learn the basics, the rest seems easy.
If you can communicate at all, even if it’s typing out messages with a pencil between your teeth, you can get women to desire you. What’s missing is the simple technical skills required to get women experiencing romantic feelings and thinking romantic thoughts about you. As I said, if you can communicate at all, you can have success with women. But you need to know what to communicate, and how to communicate it. Just as important, you need to know what not to communicate, and how not communicate that.
It’s Not Rocket Science
People tend to make things they don’t understand more complicated than they really are. It’s only natural. Many people think that using a computer will be so difficult that they are too intimidated to even turn the blasted thing on. Other people are so intimidated to even turn the blasted thing on. Other people are so intimidated by the simple task of balancing their checkbook that they never learn how to do it. We all tend to complicate topic we do not yet understand
Meeting and dating women is just like any other skill. At first it seems overly complicated and difficult. Most men simply give up because the task seems to large. This is not true. In fact, many men are less successful than they could be because they overcomplicate matters by being overly involved with their own thoughts about how difficult dating is.
You can be a NERD and still score
Tim, for example, is a computer programmer for a large firm in Texas. He is 38, has epilepsy, and has scars on his arms from an accident as a child. At first glance Tim looks like a computer geek, and is not particularly attractive. His glasses look a bit out of date, and he even has pens in his pockets in a plastic pocket protector. He wears goofy ties and white tennis shoes. He is balding and has a gut. He looks like the type of guy who us much more comfortable with computers than with people.
However, as you get to know him, it is easy to see why he dates as many women as he wants, and even know some who just like him for “fun”. It is pretty funny that a computer geek like Tim can have so many women.
One of Tim’s strong points is that, he is very easy to talk to. Unlike many computer geeks, he is very personal. He has studied how to be romantic and is able to be sweet to women and seem harmless to them at the same time. Women find Tim attractive because it’s easy for them to trust him. Tim has learned that he must pursue many women and he doesn’t seem upset when he’s rejected.
I was speaking to you, the one who is reading this right now. Even if you’re not a model-quality beauty or are older and balding, you can still have wonderful relationships with as many women as you want. You can cultivate the skills to be a dating machine.
Understanding Women’s Biggest Fear
One example, Dawn is years old, long blonde hair, big blue eyes, tall, great legs and blah blah blah… Dawn used to go out and flirt with guys at bars. She enjoyed about entering a bar and seeing how the men would stop talking and stare at her, drooling like gods. She said she enjoyed the attention, but she rarely gave out her phone number to or fated any of the men who came onto her in bars. Why ??
Because she was afraid. She would be attracted to a man and then get afraid of being physically abused or raped by him. After all, she didn’t know him; she just met him at the bar. So she’d stay distant, unattainable by the many men who desired her.
Fear of being abused, hurt or raped by men is the biggest concern women have in dating. Dawn and most women smartly scope out men to make sure they won’t be physically hurt by the men they date. They want to be sure they can trust the men they are attracted to before getting physically vulnerable with them.
If you want to have success with women, you must be aware of this most basic female concern. You must deal with the fact that women you meet will be testing you to see if you are “safe”, or potentially violent.
The Seven Dating Myths
You are ready to do the work to get women into your bed; now all you need is for me to tell you what the work is. But before I tell you the secrets to creating an abundant enjoy life, we must explore and dispel the seven dating myths. You’ve probably bought in to most or all of them; the first thing to do now is to clear them away.
Myth 1. If you are nice enough and interesting enough, you will get a womanIt’s great to be nice and interesting, but it is not enough; it’s not the same as being seductive. Most men don’t understand this. Your average man thinks that if he likes a woman, and she says that he is “sweet”, “interesting”, or “a wonderful friend,” that he’s moving the relationship toward eventual romance. He isn’t, because, as we’ve said, being nice and interesting is not the same as being seductive.
Myth 2. You are a nice guy, who only has nice thought and desires
Man who believe that they are really nice guys, who only have nice thoughts and nice desires, often break women’s hearts the most cruelly. Men who know that they aren’t always sweet, and who know that they don’t always have kind thoughts and desires, are often much more humane.
How can this be? After all, men who are committed to always being nice in every way should actually be nicer, shouldn’t they? Sadly, it doesn’t work out that way.
Look at it this way: over the course of any relationship, you have the opportunity to feel a wide variety of feelings and behave in a wide variety of ways. Statistically speaking, you can’t always be at your best. Sometimes you’ll be at your best, most of the time you’ll be at your average, and some of the time you’ll be at your worst.
Myth 3. Just “be yourself” and women will desire you“Being yourself” doesn’t mean that you are utterly impulsive and driven by whatever behaviour is most convenient for you in the moment. In different situations, you naturally bring out different parts of yourself. In church you follow a certain “code of conduct,” but that shouldn’t repress you. It’s simply an opportunity to bring out the more formal, religious part of yourself. At the dinner party, you bring out the more cultured, sophisticated part of yourself. At the job interview, you bring out the professional part of yourself. You’re no “repressed” because you don’t ask her out. You are simply expressing a different part of yourself at that moment.
Myth 4. Women know what they want, and they will tell youHave you ever noticed that women will talk about the kind of man that they want, and end up with someone completely different? It happens all of the time. What women say they want, and what they actually respond to, are often totally different.
This is actually a very human trait: there are probably things you say you want in your life that you only think you want. Women are no different.
Women can’t tell you what they want in a man – they can only tell you what they think they want in a man. There’s a big difference. They also aren’t attracted to men who approach as supplicants, begging for the easy keys to melt a woman’s heart. Don’t fall into the trap.
Myth 5. Be a woman’s therapist, and you’ll get sex
I’ll simply point out that being a woman’s therapist is one of the worst ways imaginable to get sex. Many men think it will work, but it almost never does.
Myth 6. Being “honest” means telling her the worst things about yourself
Many men seem to think that the best way to be honest with women is to tell them the worst things about themselves, the sooner the better. “Full disclosure!” seems to be these men’s motto. I think this is foolishness.
It’s good to be honest. But I believe that dealing with the consequences of the truth will almost always be easier than dealing with the eventual consequences of lying. However, this doesn’t mean that you should tell a woman every thought or desire you ever have. That simply isn’t useful. A man who believes this myth will often tell a woman his problem right way.
A man who “spills the beans” about his problems and his defects right away may bond emotionally with a woman, but she won’t desire him. She’ll think if him as a friend, but she may also think of him as a nut case.
Myth 7. Dating should be fairThis one myth gets men in more trouble than almost any of the others. If you are a man who whines about how dating isn’t fair, and how you have to do all the pursuing of women, you must stop that right now.
I hear it all the time: “Why can’t a woman ask me out for once?” “If women really believed in equality, they’d kiss me first!” “I’m tired of doing all the pursuing with women. It’s their turn now.”
My advice is to get over it. If you don’t have sex life you want, it’s your responsibility to get it. It is not women’s responsibility to take care of you, and to make sure you have what you want in relationships. Expecting them to do so is just immature.
What This Blog Will Teach You
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective SeducersThere are a number of habits that all master seducers follow. I’ll show you what successful seducers do every single day that makes them consistently successful with women. I’ll also show you how to stop making the most common seduction mistakes, which you probably are making continuously. When you take on the habits of successful seducers and stop making these few common errors, you’ll be more effective with women instantly.
The Element of StyleYour deepest communication to women is carried out by your personal style and your level of confidence. What you “say” to a woman through these two key areas can easily make the difference between a successful and a failed seduction. To develop a personal style, both through how you dress and how you behave, that is a genuine expression of who you are and that women will find absolutely compelling.
Flirting Without Disaster
I use flirting to go from seeing a hot woman to making her my date. You build the basic structure of your relationship through the quality of your flirting. Will you be a woman’s lover, or will you be her friend? Much of that will be decided by how you flirt. If you don’t know how to flirt well, you will screw up your future with a woman and not even know you did it. i’ll show you how to flirt your way to the date, effectively overcoming her natural fear of you, and building a bond of fun and excitement between you. I’ll then show you how to effortlessly turn that connection into an accepted invitation for a date.
A Crash Course in RomanceMany “practical minded” men don’t know hot to be romantic in a way that will really make a woman feel special. Furthermore, romance seems passé: in this age of equality, a man shouldn’t have to romance a woman, should he? Well, yes, he does. You have to be romantic because it can be a fun way to make a woman see you as special and exceptionally attractive.
The Priming and Seduction DatesI’ll teach you about the two kinds of dates, priming and seduction. I’ll show you how each is a different, yet critical, part of effectively seducing a woman. You’ll learn how to find what she desires in a man, and how to fulfill those desires by bringing those parts of you alive. You’ll learn how to reliably make romantic conversation, and how to construct romantic experiences that will turn her on, connect her to you, and that she’ll remember for the rest of her life.
Closing the Deal: Going for The FIRST KISS and MOREDone properly, the first kiss is easy. Done improperly – which is the way most men do it – the kiss seems more like pulling teeth. I’ll show you exactly how to create an experience in which the woman is thinking about the kiss, desires it. I’ll teach you the specifics of how to go for that first kiss, and how to take it much, much farther immediately.
How to be the Man of her Dreams in bedThe master seducer understands that he must always be improving his ability to enjoy sex and to please a woman. I’ll show you how to improve three key areas- your communication, your attitude, and your technique. I’ll show you how to create that moment when the date turns sexual, how to excel at foreplay and afterplay, and what to say and not to say during make love.
When babes attack: handling problems women cause
Sadly, not all of your interactions with women will be easy. In most people experience, the same basic problems tend to show up again and again. I’ll show you the nine secrets of handling the problems women cause, and walk you through, step by step, handling the most common dating difficulties. Because women are only half the problem, I’ll also show you how to handle the problems you cause in dating situations.
Keeping her
After you’ve seduced a woman, you have to maintain your connection with her if you want to be able to have sex with her again. I’ll show you the ABC’s if maintaining romantic relationships, and the specific steps you must take to keep her warmed up, happy, and waiting for you.
Breaking up with herAll short-term relationships come to and end, sooner or later. I’ll show you how to figure out when it’s time to end it, and how to break up in the most merciful way possible so you end up friends. I’ll also show you how to determine if she might be a good candidate for a long-term relationship/
Going from casual to committedMost men like to “play the field” for a while, then move on to a long-term relationship. I’ll teach you the most important “do’s and don’ts” for creating a relationship that stays passionate, fun, and, loving for the long-term.
Life is Great ??
A common problem. “I can’t seem to get women to like me”, “I mean, they like me as a friend, but when I try to make things more romantic, it never works out. I haven’t had sex in over a year. What should I do?”
All sorts of men face this dating problems. Some are your, some are middle aged, some are older. Some are salesmen, some are computer programmers, some are executives. They can’t seem to get women to have relationships with them. They desperately wish they could be successful with women, but they aren’t, and it seems like the harder they try, the worse things get.
These are good men. They are sincere and honest and would make good lovers, boyfriends, and husbands. But they can’t seem to get women to even give them the time of day. They all find themselves living hope – hoping that someday they will magically figure out how to attract women, hoping that someday they will, through some mysterious process, turn into super-studs.
Obviously, living in hope doesn’t work, especially about something important like relationships with women. It’s like hoping that your apartment will get clean, but not cleaning it. It’s like hoping that you will have enough money for your retirement, but not saving for it. You have to take the proper actions consistent with your commitments, not just live in hope.
Introduction about this BLOG
We were no different than you might be. Our relationships with women were dependent upon two things: luck and the whim of women who happened to be attracted to us. When either of us had sex, it was because we quite literally “got lucky”, and a woman decided to have us. We had little choice or power over when we had sex and relationships and what women we had those interactions with. Sex and relationships, it seemed, were a crap-shoot. Perhaps we’d meet someone, perhaps we wouldn’t. Needless to say, we got tired of it.
We have learned that good intentions and being a good guy are not enough. These qualities are important, but, by themselves, they will almost never generate romance with a woman. If you are going to have success with women, you must be able to create romantic structures. You must be able to intentionally create interactio0ns, conversations, events, dates, and moments that, by their very nature, make women feel romantic feelings and think romantic thoughts about you. Sometimes these structures just happen, but, with a little know-how, you can unsure that they happen consistently and with the women you desire. You must know how to construct them. Fundamentally teaching you to do just that is what this blog is about.
Remember, dating is a game. It is an important game, but it is a game. All games are frustrating when you are first learning the rules, and dating is no different. But, like other games, dating becomes fun as you master it. Stick with it through the first few tries and the possible confusion. Keep at it, and it become fun.
