What Flirting Does?
Flirting is the key to a successful seduction. If you master flirting, you will also master the art of seduction and vice versa. All masters of seduction also have skills in flirting.
You build rapport
“Rapport” simply means that she likes to talk to you, and feels good doing it. When you are flirting, you usually aren’t talking about anything heavy or deep. You are probably talking about something fun, or silly. She feels pleasure, and you feel pleasure. This creates rapport.
You make her feel safe by returning to the same topics again and again
As you’ll see in this chapter, in flirting you’ll often have a “running joke” with a woman. For example, Frank, a 44-year-old college instructor, has been flirting with a woman at his local health food store for several weeks. She’s pretty, red-haired, tattooed, and in her mid-twenties. Franks thinks she’s quite beautiful, and that she’d probably be a lot of fun in bed. The first time he met her, she was wearing an old military shift and jeans, and he joked with her about her being a marine. “Hello, major,” he said to her. “I see you are wearing your fatigues. Doing some covert operations here at the health food store?” “Oh yes, she responded, immediately drawn into his silly idea. “I’m here watching everyone, to make sure there are no foreign spies.” They joked along this line for a while, and as he left, Frank said, “I’d better leave – I don’t want to blow your cover!” and she laughed. Since then, every time he’s come in they’ve built on this comic scene. She’s always happy to see him, and loves the special little world they create together. Plus, he always has something to talk with her about.
Flirting lets you get to know her to see if you want her
Contrary to what you might think, you really don’t want to get involved with every attractive woman you meet. We’ll talk about this more in coming blog, but for now, simply understand that flirting is a chance to find out if a woman is dangerously unstable, or a cold fish who is not interested in sex.
So how do you use flirting to evaluate a woman’s stability? First, flirting helps you gauge her fear of you. If she has an enduring fear of you, she might not be worth pursuing. It’s important to understand, however, that there is a difference between this enduring fear and the temporary fear that almost all women will experience when they first meet any man.
At first, you’ll be flirting through her fear, overcoming it with your certainty that everything will be okay. After your second or third interaction with her, however, she should be lightening up and joking back with you. If she isn’t, you can certainly keep flirting with her to keep in practice, but you should probably give up on her as someone who you’d want as a sexual partner. A woman who can’t play with you will not be fun to be in any kind of relationship with.
Similarly, you may discover that she is extremely sensitive and easily offended. If your flirting with her makes her angry, or if she delivers a lecture about how “there are some things you just don’t joke about,” you know that you want to avoid her. Likewise, if she starts to cry, or interacting with her scares you or makes you want to cry, you should avoid her as well.
Flirting helps her feel safe with you
Remember women’s number one fear when they first meet you? They are rightfully worried about whether you are dangerous or not. If you are able to be playful with a woman, she relaxes. Subconsciously she reasons, “He’s making me feel good. Therefore, he’s not dangerous.” Men who can’t flirt often scare women because they are so tense and cold that the woman’s natural fear of men is amplified, rather than dampened. When you can flirt playfully, you also show women you aren’t overly concerned about hurting her.
Flirting gets her used to the idea of being romantic with you
When you flirt with a woman, you create a different, imaginary world for the two of you. It’s a small step from this world of flirting to the world of romance.
Flirting gives you opportunities to practice your seduction skills
We suggest that all our students flirt with women constantly. Flirting gives you a chance to nibble away at learning seduction, like a mouse eating cheese, until you have mastered seduction. When you are first learning to flirt, it is important that you do it with all women, not just the ones you are attracted to.
Flirting makes you generative
When you flirt, you are always creatively making up new ways to delight the women who interest you. You can’t do this if you are into being depressed, needy, resentful, moody, or shut down. To flirt well you have to be energetic and creative. Ultimately, women like to be with men who are generative. Fortunately, practicing flirting as I describe will actually take you out of your moodiness and make you into the alive, vital kind of man who gets women.
Flirting gets you the date!
There’s not much more to say. The more you flirt successfully with a woman, the more natural it will be for her to want to go out with you.
Your Goal In Flirting
When Bruce leaves the bank, he’s left the teller delighted, and looking forward to seeing him again. Indeed, this is Bruce’s goal. In any flirting situation with a woman, your goal is for her mind to connect the idea of seeing you with pleasure. Any effective seducer knows that women respond to their emotions, not to their logical minds. An effective seducer uses flirting to get women to have happy emotions every time they see him.
Flirting makes women happy to see you through a process called “anchoring.” Anchoring simply means that a certain stimulus – be it a sight, a sound, a smell, or a person – is always connected to a certain feeling. Most people, for example, see a police car in their rear-view mirror, siren blaring and lights flashing and connect with the feeling of fear. Their feelings automatically respond to the police-stimulus, their heart pumps, and they feel afraid. The two are anchored together.
Similarly, Bruce knows that he is the stimulus, and the feeling he wants to create is happiness in the woman. Just as a person automatically responds with fear to seeing a flashing police light, Bruce wants women to automatically respond to his presence with pleasure. He knows that flirting is the structure in which he makes this happen.
So You’ve Found The Women To Talk To: Now How Do You Do It ?
Many men are very analytical in their approach to life. They think about life practically, and they think about women practically. They get caught in the paralysis of analysis. This is a huge error. Romance is not practical, logical, or even sensible.
Bob thinks women and romance should be logical. When he’s been attracted to women and had the nerve to actually approach them, he’s figured that it’s best to be direct. “After all,” he says, “women like men who are direct and honest. What could be more honest than telling them about my attraction to them?” He’s tried to seduce women friends by explaining to them how logical it would be for them to have relationship. “You say you like me, and I like you. It doesn’t make any sense for us to not get involved!” He’s never understood why they’ve said no to him. His practical, logical approach drives women away.
What is Flirting?
To date women successfully you must master flirting. Flirting is not practical or direct. But it does follow basic principles, and once you understand them, you’ll be miles ahead of other men in talking to and being successful with women.
Think about kids playing together. They don’t cry to accomplish anything; all they are interested in is games. They take on roles with each other effortlessly. They play cowboys, and one kid is the cowboy, another is the Indian. Or they play house, and one kid is the father and the other is the mother. Or they play doctor, and one kid is the doctor while the other is the patient. (That’s the kind of playing you want to do with adult women!) They dress up to get into the roles better. They let their imaginations run free. It’s all ultimately meaningless, but they don’t care; they just want to have fun.
They also love games, both pre-made and ones they make up. And most of the time, they aren’t overly concerned about winning. Just being together playing is enough to make them happy. Kids relate by playing, and if they can play, they feel relater to each other, though they don’t think about it that way. Playing is a way of being in “the zone” together.
Adults play differently. First, let’s look at how men play with men. I usually don’t think of it as play, but watching sports together, or talking about sports, is a way men play with each other. After all, sports are ultimately meaningless: which team wins the NBA title this year really isn’t going to make that big a difference in the grand scheme of things. It really isn’t. Sorry. But the point is, by caring about it together, by watching the games, yelling and screaming at the players together, and keeping track of the player’s statistics, men play together. Because of all this, they are feeling the togetherness and un-self-conscious love for each other that kids feel.
The other way men play together is through joking with each other and playing jokes on each other. The little jokes that men make about each other, the loving insults traded back and forth, are bonding for men.
Men and women, on the other hand, play together differently. As most men have discovered, playing with women the way they do with men doesn’t work. Women aren’t interested in sports statistics. And the jokes you make with your buddies only offend the women you know. Having learned this stuff the hard way, men decide to not play with women at all. They approach women the way Bob does, logically and practically. And they get no results at all.
Flirting is the way men and women play. If you can’t flirt, you can’t play with women, and if you can’t play with women, they won’t be romantically interested in you. Flirting is one of the ways women find out what you’ll be like as a lover, and what you’d be like in a relationship. If you aren’t playful, imaginative, and fun to be with when she first meets you, what will you be like to date? And what will you be in bed? Bob impresses the ladies as a cold fish. He seems stiff, analytical and calculating. Even if he can logically show them they should be interested in him, his lack of playfulness doesn’t touch them inside. His outcome-oriented approach is anything but playful.
Let’s look at how Bruce, an accomplished flirter, handles women he is attracted to. At the bank, for instance, he flirts with the cute female teller as he makes his deposits. “So,” he asks with a smile. “Do you get to keep a percentage of all the money you take in each day? It only seems fair, don’t you think?” She laughs and says, “Oh, that would be nice, especially on payday.” He jokes that “but then you might get docked a percentage of the money that goes out! We can’t be having that happen to you!” She laughs again, and notices her connection with him. As he leaves he says, “Thank you, O Banking Goddess!” “It’s not a bank – it’s a credit union!” she laughs after him. He leaves, and thinks about how happy she’ll be to see next time.
Bruce knows that flirting with a woman creates opportunities. It’s a chance to have fun interacting with a woman, to build up to asking her for a date, and to pre-qualify women to see if they are interested in sex and relationships. When Bruce flirts, he has fun and makes women like him. He finds out how responsive they are to him, and prepares them for going out with him. Teaching you how to do this is the focus of this chapter.
Seductive Poetry
You can find short seductive poetry from books in the library, Shakespeare collections, or better yet, write some of you own. Something cheesy like the following will work well.
You,
I saw your lips move as you moved past me
My heart races as I think of your eyes,
I wish I could be the air you breathe,
You,
I want you
You,
I lust in my heart for you
You,
In candlelit rooms we enter each other
We disappear for hours in tender kisses
You,
My special angel, I want only you.
Reading poetry provides a way for women to talk to you and a reason for you to talk to women. It will give you confidence and let women know you are a romantic guy. As we’ll discuss later, when you describe a state of mind or a feeling, like lust and desire, the person you are speaking to will automatically remember what it is like when she feels that state. When you read a romantic poem, all the women in the audience will have to recall times when they felt the feelings you describe in your poems. Those are the feelings you want them to have, and it makes it easier for you to talk to them later.
Gimmicks can get women talking to you. As you develop your ability to come up with gimmicks that attract women and express some special part of yourself, you’ll find yourself surrounded by women who want to be with you.
Babe Bait: Gimmicks That Make Women Want to Meet You
Every highly successful ladies’ man has some sort of a gimmick. Elvis used his fame, wealth, and charm to get any woman he wanted. JFK used his power as President to sleep with hot babes like Marilyn Monroe. Wilt Chamberlain used his basketball prowess to sleep with thousands of women. Since you probably aren’t rich and famous, you will have to come up with more creative ways to attract women’s attention. Here are some possibilities.
Dogs/dog related activities
Women love dogs. Dogs remind them of a carefree time in their childhood when they would dream of horses, puppy dogs, and Barbies. Not only do most women think dogs are “cute” (especially puppies), most of the people who go to dog training workshops and attend conventions are women.
Sure, you like dogs. They are fun to play ball with. Maybe you had a big dog when you were a kid, and some of your best memories are of your attempts to get your dog to bite people. While you probably associate them with pleasure, you may not associate dogs with romance, charm, and meeting women. You should. Believe us, dogs can be used as the perfect gimmick for shy guys who have a hard time making the first move.
Go to personal growth seminar
Do you want to meet an emotionally open woman who is willing to see you as a magical solution to her problems? Could this solution include a hot night with you? A personal growth seminar may be your ticket.
One of the key elements of most seminars is the deep level of bonding that quickly happens between participants. At a personal growth seminar, you will be in a group of people who are there to break out of their normal day-to-day routines and try something new. This can be good environment for you to experiment with new behaviors with women who will be much more receptive than those on the street or in a café.
Another element of most seminars is that they stress honesty. Usually this means emotional honesty. People who reveal their innermost secrets are often rewarded by the group leaders and gain the respect of fellow seminarians. This environment is perfect because you can come across as Mr. Sincere and Mr. Emotionally Honest & Available when you are actually just hitting on women.
Volunteer for causes
Do you remember what the biggest obstacle is when you meet a woman? The correct answer is that she will be concerned about whether or not you are violent and who will harm her. When she meets you at a volunteer event this concern can disappear quickly. What kind of men volunteer to help worthy causes? Guys who are trustworthy, honest, and responsible.
Many opportunities to volunteer for causes will lead to meeting women. You will usually be working side by side with a woman, or will have a woman leading a team of volunteers (this is an added bonus for all the submissive guys out there). Women volunteer for causes much more than men, so in the crowd of women volunteers you will be a novelty. Women will think that you are sensitive, moral, and safe, and your net worth to a woman will increase.
Volunteering is a good way to not only meet women, but to increase you net worth around them. You develop confidence and begin to focus on someone else for a change. This is a skill you will need if you ever want to have a long-term relationship.
Magic Tricks
This gimmick is time consuming on the front end. You have to learn a few tricks and practice them. Your guy friends may think you are a freak, but the women you meet with magic will be charmed.
Women love to be entertained by men. Learning a wide range of magic tricks can prove useful in meeting women in any situation.
Carry something odd
The downtown shopping area is filled with shoppers. Women in groups are window shopping and thrilled to be out spending lots of money at their favorite activity. Then comes you, the man holding the four-foot-tall stuffed bear or dog. The women laugh and want to touch it. “Where did you get it?” they ask.
This gimmick is very simple to use. The only requirement is the purchase or load of a large stuffed animal. Women will instantly be attracted to you and the animal. It is best if you sit on a bench or situate yourself in any easy accessible area that invites people to talk to you with ease.
Guys will think you are a dork. But while they are thinking that, you will be meeting women. It is best to start long conversations about your stuffed animal. The short conversations will be fun, but will rarely lead to dates. Focusing on longer conversations will insure more dates, and more long-term success.
Babies
Do you want to insure dates tonight? Borrow a friend’s baby and women will be all over you. Babies make all men look like great guys and will draw every woman in a 100-yard radius. They will instantly want to be with you and help with taking care of the baby. They will even want to date you just to be around the baby.
The obvious problem is that no sane person will loan you a baby so that you can go out and meet women. Realistically, the best strategy is to go around with a friend in hopes of meeting a woman. Taking a baby on a walk in a stroller with your male friend is much better. Women will want to come up and answer questions for you. If you pretend to be helpless and stupid it will work better.
Hand puppets
We once were sitting on a beautiful public outdoor terrace at the local university on a sunny afternoon, when a guy with a large, muppet-sized hand puppet arrived. We watched amazed as he took this charming puppet to each table, and charmed and entertained everyone there. He talked to all the women there, from the least attractive to the most, and ended up sitting with a group of laughing, giggly women. I never found out what happened to him and whether he got sex, but we admired his willingness to do what it takes to get the attention of women.
Read romantic poetry at poetry readings and open-mike events
With the explosion of coffee cafes, there has also been a rise in poetry readings and open-mike events. These are perfect opportunities to meet artistic women who would like an intellectual man to melt their hearts.
A woman wants to be with the kind of man who writes or recites poetry. She sees this type of man as a challenge. He is artistic, and so isolated from the world that no other woman has been able to reach him. She wants to be the one who finally brings him out of his shell.
You can get up and read anything and get women to talk to you. We recommend reading something romantic, as it will improve your chances of seduction. You could read a poem about how war is bad or how sad it is that children starve, but then women will be much less likely to respond. Read about love, and love you will get.
Gimmicks can get women talking to you. As you develop your ability to come up with gimmicks that attract women and express some special part of yourself, you’ll find yourself surrounded by women who want to be with you.
The Nine Secret Places To Meet Women
What follows is a list of places that you probably don’t associate as prime woman-meeting spots. However, these are wonderfully secret hidden sources of lonely women waiting for you. I recommend that if you show up at one of the following events or places and there are no women you are interested in, move on immediately. If you quickly move on, and keep going on to the next opportunity, you are destined for success.
1. Yoga classes
Your local yoga class is a great place to meet new-age women. Yoga, in case you don’t know, is a form of exercise similar to stretching. Yoga comes from India and was used as a form of transcending the body and mind together. A woman who has been active in yoga for years usually has a wonderfully toned body. That’s another added advantage!
2. Cooking classes
Who do you think is attending all the exotic cooking classes? Women, of course. Who do you think is concerned with making good quality food? Women. Remember the cliché phrase, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Women attend classes to make the men in their lives happy. Who do you think is not attending most cooking classes? Men. They are the ones missing out on the opportunity to meet women and learn great recipes.
Cooking classes are a great place to meet women for the same reasons as yoga classes are. In these situations, you are a rarity, a scarce resource. You will actually get rewarded for not knowing how to cook and botching up recipes. Women in the classes will end up feeling sorry for you and will often their services to help you. You can ask them for cooking dates to get them to your house. Furthermore, being in the class for six weeks or so will give you an opportunity to get to know the women in the class and let the seductions build on one another over time.
3. Church
A few years age I had a friend who claimed that church was the ultimate place to meet women. His name was Bart and he was the poster boy for geeks everywhere. He wore ‘50s-style glasses and outdated pants. However, Bart was always active in his church and a devout follower. He decided to use his faith to get women.
Bart began attending single events on weekends. He confessed to several members of his congregation that he was looking for a woman of faith. Since many churches like to promote dating and relationships from within their communities, many members of his congregation began setting him up.
4. Renaissance fairs
Summertime Renaissance Fairs happen everywhere, even in you area. While fairs of any sort are great to meet women, Renaissance ones are the best. These fairs attract the hippie, 1960s women who value peach, love, and freedom. In short, these are the types who will be open to meeting you and tend to be sexually open.
Another great place to meet women is with groups like the “Rainbow People.” The “Rainbow People,” as they call themselves, are basically hippies for the next millennium. They have local chapters in many communities, and the women can be quite, um, open. They also have week-long gatherings in the country at least once a year, where lots of sex occurs. But bring you own water; lots of dysentery occurs as well while people camp.
5. Outdoor music events
What would be more romantic than a concert under the stars? Women eat up this type of event. Depending on the type of musician who is performing, a concert can prove to be well worth the time and money.
Such a music event is a great place to meet women, if you are going alone. Single women attending in small groups are open to meeting men; instead, many of them go with that as their goal. If the music is jazz, classical, or pop rock (not punk or hard-rock). It will be easier to make a connection. The hard-rock outdoor shows will have lots of drunk underage women. Obviously, you have to watch out for women who look attractive and seem mature, but who in fact are 17.
6. The cooking utensil section of any store
Any gourmet cooking store is likely to have classy women hanging out looking at utensils. These are the places in which you have easy openings to talk. Your best bet is to visit on weekends. You can then approach a good looking woman and ask her questions about cooking utensils. Ask her for her advice on which garlic press is the best and which spatula would be good for French food.
The women shopping in these stores will probably be over 35. This is great if you are looking for marriage-minded women into serious relationships, or for a divorcee who would love some sex. This is not good if all you want is a roll in the hay with a 20-something girl.
7. Dance classes
Dancing close to a woman is still one of the most romantic things you can do. The old time male sex symbols are still popular among women because they possess a flair for charm and romance. Fred Astaire, Bing Croby, and others are still the fantasy of many women. Part of that charm was their ability to sweep a woman off her feet with dancing and romantic talk. They could be subtle and forward at the same time.
Dance classes are great places to meet women and start a seduction. First, women respect men who learn “old time” romantic activities, like dancing. They will hopefully cut you some slack if you are a crappy dancer – after all, you are attending the class to learn, aren’t you? Second, they will likely want to dance with you because so few men take dance classes that you are a rare commodity. And third, you will be able to flirt with them over multiple weeks, and seduce them slowly.
8. Bars associated with hotels where traveling businesswomen stay
Businesswomen on the tend to be open to sexual experimentation and tend to be more promiscuous. The “high end” hotels in your town will likely have many traveling businesswomen hanging out in the bar or lounge are late at night. Yes, they are lonely, and yes, they would love to have company. Just like their male counterparts, they get lonely on the road and want affection, love, and pampering from a man. You know how stressful it is to be on the road, not knowing anyone, and having to be in charge for hours a day at meetings. At the end of the day they want exactly what we want: a warm body, a good beer, and sex.
9. The internet
Shy? Scared of talking women? Scared of showing your romantic interest, taking charge and risking rejection? Of course you are. No problem, though: there is a place where you can practice seducing women where any rejection seems minimal, successes are easy, and you can refine your style and your understanding of seduction. This place is the Internet.
If you are lonely, shy and horny, you must get onto the international sex superhighway called the Internet. The parts of the Internet we are concerned with here are the World Wide Web, Personals Ad Newsgroups, and Internet Chat Rooms.
The bottom line is this: you have no excuse to not be meeting women, even if you are shy. If you offend a woman on the Internet, in a letter, or in voice mail message, she simply doesn’t write or call back. So what? The Internet is a place to build your confidence and develop your seduction skill mastery.
Because there is no magical solution, you won’t always be so lucky. However, you can persistent in going to places and attending events where women will be open to dating, and you will eventually have success.
The Four Easiest Places To Meet Women
Bruce is in the habit of visiting the same places regularly. This practice opens up many opportunities to ask out women and creates a basis for rapport. Social scientists have shown that the more you see someone and have contact with that person, the more attracted you are. This is called attraction by familiarity. This fact alone should inspire you to find ways to interact with the same people on a regular basis. Here’s a list of four places you can go in a regular basis to meet women and create an attraction by familiarity.
1. Coffee shops
Coffee shops are rapidly becoming the hottest new place to meet women. Singles all over the country are using them as potential pick-up sports. The trend is not just happening in Seattle. We’re sure your local coffee place has a good sampling of women.
Bruce demonstrated how useful it is to become a regular at a coffee shop. They tend to be like small communities. The same cast of characters shows up at approximately the same time every day. It is good for you to get into a routine with a place. This way you can get to know the regulars. A woman may be sipping hot java and hanging out with her friends. Or she may be reading a book or writing in her journal. Knowing many of the employees and regulars will also make it easier to meet other customers.
2. Restaurants
Restaurants are another great place to find dates. Women love to go out to eat. The better the food and more expensive, the more women like it. Again, restaurants put people in a festive mood and they’re open to new experiences. Besides, women love to get dressed up and go out. Even if you get rejected, it is good for your self-confidence to be interacting with women who are dressed attractively. The best restaurants in which to met women are ones with large bar areas an patio seating.
Waitresses are the best part of restaurants. By becoming familiar with a restaurant and the waitresses, you can easily turn food service into sex service.
3. Gyms
Everyone thinks gyms are crawling with singles looking for dates and sex. This certainly hasn’t been our experience. Perhaps working out at the most industrial gym in town doesn’t help. Gyms are good, however, for making contacts with women and getting occasional dates. We’ve often seen our gym full of chubby, married, middle-aged women, who look annoyed when you even glance at them. On the other hand, our students continue to report that they’ve met women at the gym. They comment that at the gym it is fun just to stare at the tight-bodied females.
I recommend the gym to you because working out improves your body, and, hence, your net worth with women. By working out a few times per week you can lose the gut and increase your stamina. It is even said to increase your testosterone levels.
The other advantage is that some women are looking for a man in the gym. By becoming familiar with a woman and her schedule, you can start conversations and work on her over time until you ask her out.
4. Bookstores
Are you looking for a sexy, smart, and untamed woman? By frequenting bookstores you can meet lonely intellectuals. Women you meet in bookstores will often be receptive to you because there you will find women who are smart and can’t find a guy. Why do you think women read so many romance novels and weird fiction anyway? Many bookstores are packed with women on Friday night. They are looking for something, and it isn’t just another Martha Stewart book.
One of my friends met an attractive woman looking at books in the Sex section of a large chain bookstore. Though he thought it was corny, he made a joke about the book she was reading. She was receptive to him and they joked about penis enlargement toys. Later, he got her e-mail address and they e-mailed back and forth for a few weeks, and later dated.
The other added bones about bookstores is that many of them have attached coffee shops, so you can meet a woman and then take her out for coffee right away to continue the seduction.
Leaves The House Ready To Party
Looking good at all times, no matter what, is an important part success with women. Many men make the mistake of leaving the house not ready to meet women. I am not suggesting that you always have to be wearing a suit. However, I am suggesting that you seriously consider what you are wearing and consider whether or not it is appropriate for meeting a women. You read about this in depth in the previous blog. Even if you are wearing sweat pants and a T-shirt you can present yourself in a manner that will be attractive to women. Keep it in mind.
Bruce is always ready to flirt, no matter what. It’s part of being a world-class stud. Behind all of the flirtation is many hours of preparation. He has memorized seductive questions and opening lines. He has decide ahead of time how many women he will talk to in a day. In later chapters you will learn pick-up lines and approaches to meeting women. Bruce can easily use many different approaches and ways to meet women, so he is ready to flirt in any situation.
Bruce has studies seduction in great detail, like a martial artist who studies and anticipates every situation. Like the martial artist, Bruce prepares for all the different options and is ready to create new alternatives that are easily applicable to any situation that may come this way.
Pretends You Are A World-class Stud
I mentioned earlier about the importance of modeling other men. It is useful to model your dress, approach, lines and general demeanor, after a highly successful seducer.
One of the things that Bruce does constantly in act like he is the man. He acts in a confident manner. Secretly, Bruce models himself after a character John Travolta played in the movie Get Shorty. He also uses his friend Sam as a role model. Sam is always surrounded by women and dates frequently. Bruce has learned that if he does what Sam does he tends to be more successful with women than if he doesn’t.
Bruce Flirts With and Prospects Lots of Women
I’ve explained that master seducers not only play it like a numbers game, but they also don’t put all their eggs in one basket. They pursue lots and lots of women.
Even if women are not receptive, the practice is well worth the effort. Bruce views flirting and prospecting women as part of the reason for his success. When you practice something long enough you will develop mastery. By flirting often, you master your speaking skills with women. All of us can point to skills in our lives that we studied for a long, long time until we could do them effortlessly. Riding a bike, tying your shoes and memorizing multiplication tables are all examples.
Flirting with lots of women also generates a high level of vitality and confidence in yourself that is infectious to women. When you are talking to many women you successes build on one another and it helps you to get more dates and be more vital in other areas of your life. On e definition of vitality is that it is a reflection of how bold you are in life. It can be measured by how much of a public personality you are, how willing you are to be outrageous. Women want you to be powerful and confident in public and private. Flirting with lots of women will help develop these qualities in you.
Another reason to flirt with lots of women is that it will eventually lead to big results, we believe that small, consistent actions eventually lead to success. We all know the story of how successful the turtle was because he was slow but steady, unlike the hare who was quick but got sloppy and lazy. The same is true with pursuing women. When you constantly flirt with women it will have a multiplier effect, and aid in current and future successes with women.
Bruce Knows It’s A Numbers Game
Bruce lives his life from the “numbers game” analogy I discussed earlier. He knows that like sales, dating is all about numbers. He knows that if he flirts with ten women, one will give him her number. If he sets up ten dates, four women will actually show up. He knows that of those four, he will sleep with at least one. Bruce uses his philosophy to boost himself up when he is rejected. To him it is just one more interaction with a woman that will eventually lead to a “yes.”
Relentlessly Follow-up Leads
Bruce is relentless in his quest for women. He is hitting on so many women in one day that he couldn’t care less if one or man don’t work out. He is focusing on the long-term goal of having dozens of women he can call in an instant and sleep with that night.
He is constantly following up leads at restaurants, on the phone, e-mail, and in the stores and other places he frequents. Like the hungry salesman, he does what it takes to get as many women as he can
Have Your Friends Egg You On
As men, whether we admit it or not, we love competition. It is useful to use our innate competitiveness to egg on ourselves and our friends to date more women and to do outrageous things we may not normally think to do.
We used this principle frequently to push each other to get out and date more. We would tease each other and dare each other to approach a beautiful woman. We placed bets on each other’s success and failure rates.
Once again, it’s important to have male friends who are supportive. If the competition becomes something that has you feel like a failure, stop doing it immediately. I am encouraging you to have friends to both console you when things go bad and encourage you when you get scared and are not able to be in action. No one understands all the potential pitfalls, problems, and pleasures of dating better than another man. If you are a guy with few men friends, and mostly hang out with women, this much change. Having male friends egg you on will produce results that far exceed any advice that women will give you.
The Rules of The Dating Game:
Rule 1. Nothing is personal. Have you ever been playing a game with other people when it suddenly stopped being a game, and started being personal? One man tells me about a soccer league he was in. The game was going great, when suddenly one of the players attacked a guy in the other team. “Suddenly it wasn’t a game anymore,” he tells me. “He took personally a move the other guy made, and just lost it.” This is one of the quickest ways to destroy a game; then it starts being real.
No matter what a woman does, don’t take it personally. Does this mean you can kiss a woman and grab her body and ignore her saying “no”? Absolutely not. But when you say “hi” to a woman and she glare at you, or when you ask a woman out and she says “no,” you should simply not take it personally. If you do, you will suffer and not get the sex you desire. The point is, you don’t really know the reasons why she rejects your advances or blows you off. If you take her behaviors personally, it won’t be a game anymore, and it won’t be fun.
On the other hand, if a woman responds favorably to your flirtations, then you should take it personally. You should remember that she is attracted you, and that you are the one who made it happen. So, feel acknowledged when things go well, and don’t take it personally when things don’t work out.
Rule 2: Be Playful. Recently I observed a below-average-looking, 55-year-old overweight insurance salesman pick up on a beautiful young woman. I am at a restaurant and he came in to use the bathroom. He asked the cashier about some of the paintings on the wall and joked with her about how ugly and out of date they were. She laughed and smiled at him. She asked him if he wanted to be seated, and he said that he was going to the nearby grocery store to do his shopping. He reached out his hand to say good-bye to her. She extended her hand and he kissed it slowly and said, “It has been a pleasure meeting such a lovely and beautiful woman.” She blushed and fanned herself with a menu pretending that he had made her hot and bothered. She gave him a drink in a to-go cup and asked him to stay and talk to her. Because he was able to be playful, he created an opening to charm her. This guy, even though he is below-average-looking, as learned to swoon women and can easily get women to date and have sex with.
Rule 3. Don’t Give Up. Just like in any game, persistence makes a difference. Even if you don’t think you’ll win the game, you’ll enjoy it much more if you don’t give up and you play to win, anyway.
This is Bruce’s attitude. It doesn’t matter to him if he wins or loses, just how he plays the game, and he plays to win even when the odds are against him. Most of the women he flirts with he never sleep with, but he doesn’t care. He simply pushes each interaction as far as it can go, then moves on to the next one. He knows that if you give up in a game, the game is over. Because he enjoys the game, he wants to stay with it.
Being persistent and playing to win makes you into a man who doesn’t give up easily, and being a man who doesn’t give up will bring you more success than you ever thought possible. There’s a story about a boy in a math class. He had dozed off, and awoke to find the teacher writing a problem on the board. Thinking that the problem was a homework assignment, he scribbled it into his notebook, and took it home with him.
For the next two days, he spent every free waking moment working on the problem. Finally, he got the answer and took it to his teacher. She was shocked – it turned out the problem was supposed to be insoluble, and she had only written it on the board as an example. He was able to solve it because he played to win, and didn’t know that he “couldn’t.” He didn’t give up when the going got rough, just as Bruce doesn’t.
Rule 4. Use Probabilities. In the dating game, probabilities are fun, too. They make the game more fun and make interactions with women more about numbers than about some huge ego risk. On a particular night you may see a beautiful woman across from you in a bar and use probabilities to create the percent chance that you could go home with her. You might give yourself a 5 percent chance that she will talk to you. There might be a 1 percent chance that you could buy her a drink and a 0.5 percent chance that you could sleep with her tonight. If she’s less beautiful or more drunk, your probabilities may go up. It sounds silly, but using this technique creates a framework of fun.
When you follow the rules, dating becomes more like a game, less threatening and scary, and more fun for everybody. You know games have ups and downs, wins and losses. You don’t go into games putting your ego on the line, or feel like there’s something wrong with you if you don’t win every time.
Make It A Game
When I say “game,” what do you think of? Many men associate game with competition – often fierce competition characterized by battle, conflict, hard feelings, losing and being upset. Or you may by the type who associates games with intellectual, manipulative ploys. Another type associates games with fun, creative expression, freedom, and wonder.
For the sake of this blog, “game” means something that is fun and has no negative consequences if you make mistakes while playing it. For most men, dating is serious, and any screw-ups have negative consequences to their self-esteem. Dating seems difficult, like a test of manhood. I want to change that idea. Dating will be radically easier for you if you take it less seriously and make it fun.
Bruce thinks of dating as a game, and you must, too. Then you create a lightness and a freedom in your life. Bruce’s attractiveness with women comes as much from his game attitude as from anything else. He’s fun, playful, not too serious, and has a life woman want to be part of.
Lesson From the Master
Bruce flirts with every woman
Many men complain that their one or two attempts to meet women and get dates didn’t produce results. These men give up if they don’t get instant gratification from women. They think that all the time they spend thinking about sex and admiring women’s bodies is the same as being out there flirting and asking for dates. Bruce is not like this. He knows that each woman he comes into contact with is another possibility. He flirts and flirts and flirts. He doesn’t count on any one woman to be his source of sex; he is unrelenting in meeting new women. Bruce learned a long time ago that he who hesitates, masturbates, so he flirts with women at every opportunity.
Bruce knows that every seduction is a thousand interactions. Remember when President Bush wanted everyone to join his thousand points of light? We want you to join our new thousand interactions. Whether you want a one-night stand, a long-term relationship, or anything in between, you’ll do much better remembering that every seduction is made up pf a thousand interactions.
Most men we work with get sloppy in their approach with women and try to complete an entire seduction in a few small interactions. They think that once they’ve met a woman, or asked her out, the work is done. They fail to realize that successfully keeping a woman happy and romantically interested is a daily, moment-by-moment task. Bruce realizes this and knows that there is always work to do. He never gets complacent with women. He is always doing follow-up calls, e-mailing women, visiting familiar waitresses, and making dozens of other bold moves.
The small consistent steps Bruce makes add up to big seduction success. Always remember that it takes dozens if not hundred of initiations to get a woman in bed. You must do the work, just as Bruce does.
The Four Excuses That Keep You From Meeting Women
The reason Bob is so unsuccessful is that he lets negative beliefs run his life. He is probably a lot like you, and certainly a lot like us before we learned the secrets of seduction. His negative beliefs and concerns dictate how he acts, which, in turn, dictate how successful (or unsuccessful) he is with women. The concerns and beliefs become excuses that Bob uses to keep himself from pursuing women. The following four excuses are often occupying Bob’s mind, and they destroy his success with women. If you don’t deal with them, they will destroy your success with women, too.
Excuse 1. “It takes too much time.”
Bob looks at his daily schedule and whines that he simply doesn’t have enough time. He can’t meet women, he claims, because he is always busy. He claims he’s not scared of women, just too rushed, overloaded with too many responsibilities. We know this is not true. In fact, meeting women is not as time consuming as you may think, and much of the “dead time” in your life – waiting in lines, for instance – is prime women-meeting time.
As Bruce demonstrated, however, flirting and dating women does take sometime; there’s no way around it. But it is worth it. While dating women may take time up front, after the women are in place, the time required to maintain the relationships is very minimal.
Bruce doesn’t view flirting with and dating women as time-consuming because he enjoys it so much. To him, it is his fun-time. It is one of the things that brings him joy in his day. Occasionally it seems like work, buy usually he finds himself naturally interacting with women and talking without any effort on his part.
Once you have skills in place, you won’t have to spend nearly as much time on them. Bruce has many things he does on a daily basis that keep him in practice and make him succeed in dating. He talks to women, smiles and says “hi,” and flirts. These things don’t take much time on their own, but the cumulative effect is tremendous.
Excuse 2. “It will hurt my reputation”
Many men, bob included, worry too much about their reputations. They fear being “found out.” They worry that their friends will think they are desperate, and won’t respect them. Many people look down on men who are interested in dating, especially on those who are only looking for short-term sexual relationships. Some men don’t even try with women, because of this fear.
You handle this by being careful. You must be discreet and watch your back. It is okay to share your desires with your male friends. One caveat, though, is that hey must have earned your respect. In male friendships it is often necessary to test the other for his level of trustworthiness. If you trust another man, then you can tell him about your project of dating; otherwise don’t. A good rule of thumb is to keep your dating life and work life completely separate. It will insure your job and the integrity of your work relationships and will give you more freedom when you are with women no one else knows. After a while, if you have a serious girlfriend, then she can visit you at work. Otherwise, no.
Bob uses concerns about his reputation as an excuse to not get out there and talk to women. He says, “what if I do ask out that woman I’m so interested in? I can just see how disgusted she’ll be by the idea, and I just know she’ll tell all our mutual friends. I can see them now, laughing at me.” He also moans that he doesn’t like to go to pick-up bars because he fears he will see someone he knows.
These fears are totally stupid because if you see someone you know, each of you has the same knowledge of the other. If you keep your mouth shut, so will be. Having a certain level of concern about your reputation is healthy, but a paranoia for all potential situations will not allow you opportunities to meet women.
Excuse 3. “I just can’t do it.”
All of my friends, at some point, have felt as though they were fundamentally inadequate when it came to meeting women and dating. Perhaps they were just beginning to learn how to date women, and it all seemed too overwhelming. Or perhaps they had asked out ten women in a row, all of whom said “no.” Maybe the last three women they had seduced had gotten almost to the point of having sex with them, then decided to just be “friends.” Whatever the reason, t is only natural to sometimes feel as though you just can’t do it.
In a way, feeling like a failure is good because your dissatisfaction can get you in action, ready to fight back and prove that you can do it. Seen this way, feeling like a failure is actually an opportunity to prove that you aren’t one. You’ve probably experienced feeling bad about something until suddenly you couldn’t stand feeling bad about it anymore. People who are depressed often report that this happens; they can’t stand being so down anymore, so they begin changing and improving their lives. It’s sometimes said that it’s best to kick a man when he’s own; that way, he’ll get up faster. When thinking you can’t approach women gets painful enough, you’ll naturally start to approach them just to get rid of the pain of feeling like such a wimp.
You must make sure you get support when you think you can’t do it. If you have men friends who are also reading this blog, go to them to be reminded that things will get better, and to be reminded of the long-term goal you are working for. Go to men who will remind you of your successes with women so far, no matter how small they may be. When you have support, you’ll be able to keep trying.
Excuse 4. “I don’t know how to seduce women.”
No one taught you, or any of us, how to meet and seduce women. Some men are just “naturals” at it, while the rest of us have been relying on hope and luck. In a way, “I don’t know how to seduce women” is a reasonable concern. After all, it’s true, isn’t it?
You are holding in your hands the answer to this final excuse. Once you finish this book, and you know what there is to study and practice, all you to do is keep trying, and you will succeed.
These four excuses keep men from taking action to get the women they want. You must give them up and stop whining if you are going to become a seduction machine.
Four Things You Can Do Today to be Confident With Women
1. Groom like a man who is confident with women
Think about grooming. Today might be a good day to try a new aftershave, or to get a better quality shampoo or conditioner. You may want to make an appointment with a good hair stylist to get your hair cut in a new way. Or you may want to get your teeth cleaned. Wash and style your hair, and trim any unwanted hair in your nose and ears. Notice how much more confident you feel when you are well groomed and looking good!
2. Dress like a man who is confident with women
Go to your closet and look at your clothes. What are the best outfits you have for seducing women, and what are the worst? Notice the shirts and pants that you should wear more often, and those that you should wear less around women. Also look at your details: What are the most attractive shoes you own? The most attractive belt? Hat? What earrings, bracelets, rings or other jewelry do you have that might be attractive to women? What clothes fit your body best, and are in best repair? What clothes make you feel most attractive when you wear them? What is your most attractive outfit?
Be aware that your most attractive outfit may not be the fanciest, or the most expensive. You may not look best in a suit, for instance; you may look best in a well-fitting sports shirts and a pair of clean, ironed jeans, with nice sneakers and a black belt. Whatever it is, put it on and wear it today. If you need to iron it first, do so. Notice the confidence wearing this outfit gives you with women, and commit yourself to developing a wardrobe of clothes that make you feel the same way.
3. Move like a man who is confident with women
At any time, you can change the way you hold and move your body, and change your level of confidence and how you feel. If you don’t believe us, try slumping and slouching, letting your shoulders come forward as if you were terribly depressed. Breathe shallowly. If you really take on this posture, you will feel less confident, and will eventually actually become depressed!
Fortunately, this works both ways. The same body you can use to make you feel unconfident and depressed, you can use to make you feel just the opposite. Try it now. Take on the posture of a man who is confident with women. Imagine, as weird as it may seen, that you are inside his body. How does he sit? How does he stand? Are his shoulders forward, or back? Put your shoulders there. Is his head up, or down? Put your head that way, too. Does this confident man breathe deeply? Do it! What’s this confident man’s facial expression? Try it out! It may seem crazy, but if you try it, you will notice a difference; you may even want to stand up and practice walking around with the posture of a confident man.
Imagine how useful this could be when you are approaching a woman. Before talking to her you take on the posture that makes you feel more confident and, breathing deeply, tall and relaxed, you approach her. If you practice this posture every day, you’ll find it brings out your innate confidence, and becomes natural for you.
4. Pursue like a man who is confident with women
Now groomed, dressed and moving well, commit yourself to having interaction with a woman today in which you pursue her romantically, while at the same time not worrying about whether your outcome happens or not. Put yourself into the zone, and give yourself the freedom of not worrying about the outcome. You may want to commit yourself to asking a woman for her phone number. You may want to ask a woman out. You may simply want to make it clear to a woman you meet that you are attracted to her. Whatever it is that you do, make it a little more risky than you are comfortable with – and, most important, give up worrying about whether she says yes or no.
Think again about the first questions I asked you at the beginning of this chapter. What kind of woman do you want? What’s most important to you in a woman? Is it that she be tall, or short? That she have wonderful breasts? That she be blonde, or brunette? That she be smart, or rich? What exactly do you want?
And then think again about the next questions I asked you: what kind of a man will you have to be to get that woman into your life and into your bed? Are you that kind of man already?
If you are like most men, you’ve realized that you aren’t yet the kind of man you’ll need to be to get the kind of women you desire. What you need is to develop your personal style – your way of dressing, and your confidence. You’ve seen how the way you dress sends a message to women, and have learned how to take control of that message so that it says, “I’m interesting, mature and attractive. You want to be with me.” You’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what mature gave you; what matters is what you do with it in how you dress, move and act. You’ve learned how make your car and home romantic, and learned how to overcome the two stumbling blocks to confidence with women – fear of rejection, and fear of hurting women. You’ve learned the importance of not relying on women validate you, but rather getting your validation from your life. You’ve learned how to be in the zone with women by giving up worrying about the outcomes of your seduction, and simply pursuing what you desire, no matter what happens. And you’ve learned the four things you can do today to be more confident with women than ever before.
As you develop your personal style you will discover many benefits it brings beyond simply being attractive to women. Once you start, you’ll find women are more attracted to you than they’ve been before.
Happy Valentine's Day To You All !~!
Other Confidence Builders: Easy Ways To Raise Your Confidence Level
Be in “The Zone”
Peak performers talk about being in “the zone” or in “the flow”. You are in the zone when you are at your best, when all your inner resources are available to you, and when you seem to automatically handle everything well.
We’ve all had these moments. Sometimes they take place during sports, when a rock-climber, for instance, is so engaged in the climb that he forgets about everything else in the world but what he is doing. Surgeons report that when they are doing surgery, they are so involved that it’s like they are in perfect harmony with the world around them. If you can remember a time when you effortlessly and peacefully performed beyond what you usually were able to do, you have been in the zone.
People who are falling in live are in the zone. You probably have felt it. When you were with her, it was like time stood still. You could do no wrong, and life, when you were with her, seemed effortless. When you were together you were creative and happy, and not worried about yourself or about your life. This is the zone as well.
Let’s look at the opposite example. Randy was very interested in Donna. He thought she was cute and mysterious and very much wanted to have a romantic relationship with her. It was terribly important to him that all of his interaction with her be great for her, so that she’d like him and want to go out with him. He was so focused on this goal, and on how bad it would be if she didn’t like him, that he was weird and distracted when he was with her. “I was such a jerk,” he says now. “I so wanted to impress her that I talked a mile a minute, made jokes that weren’t funny, and was all-around a tense, jumpy guy.” Because he couldn’t stop thinking about his outcome - having her like him – he could never be relaxed and unconcerned with her. “I scared her off,” he says. “I was so wrapped up in what I wanted to happen with her, I never was present with her when we were together.” His inability to pursue his goal with her, and give up worrying about the goal at the same time, made him out of the zone, forced, and not attractive.
Women you have chemistry with are women you are pursuing, but you are not worried about the outcome. For some reason, with certain women, it’s easy for you to not worry, and to get into the zone. You can, however, train yourself to worry less and less in your interactions with women by simply making that your intention. You can remind yourself, when you go into interactions with women, that the outcome isn’t important. When you do this, you’ll find that you are getting into the zone, that you are more relaxed, and that you have better chemistry. When Randy learns to not be worried about how it goes with Donna, and has some faith that everything will be okay, he relaxes, and it makes it easier for Donna to get to know him and to find him attractive. All the rest of the tools you learn in this blog – seduction strategies, meeting women, going for that first kiss, and more – will be much easier to practice and have success with if you train yourself to follow this credo.
Make decisions
Decision-making is a muscle that gives you control over and confidence in your life. But you must practice. You don’t want to be a control freak with women, but you don’t want to be a useless wad of indecisiveness, either. Being decisive means you never, every say, “Oh, I don’t know, what do you want to do?” it means that when those little meaningless choices come up during the date – such as what table to sit at – you decide quickly and easily. If she’d rather sit somewhere else, then you can say “sure,” but always make decisions quickly when you are with her. This shows her that you are a guy who is in charge of his life and not wishy-washy, and will put you miles ahead of most of the other guys she meets. This seems obvious and simple, but it builds your confidence and sets the stage for seduction.
Other Ways to Overcome The Fear of Rejection
Have a “piece on the side.” As you begin to develop your harem of available sex kittens, you are at a disadvantage. As usual, success breeds success. The more sex you are getting, the more confident about sex you will become and the more new women you will attract. But at the beginning, you don’t have the confidence of lots of past success, and that slows down your ability to get that first woman on a date and into bed
Though it is not available to every man, having a “piece on the side” can generate the erotic confidence that allows you to get even more women. A “piece on the side” is a woman who you have occasional sex with – say, once a month – though you might not really want her very much. She is a woman you know you can have, but who isn’t attractive enough for you to try to start a relationship with. Am occasional sex partner like this can build your sexual self-esteem and enable you to take the risks that get you into bed with the women you really want.
So who could be a potential “piece on the side?” They may be ex-girlfriend, women who are not extremely attractive, much older women, close female friends, women who understand you don’t want a relationship, or married women. When you have a “piece on the side,” you know you aren’t a total loser. If you look hard enough at your life you will usually find at least one woman who would sleep with you. Try her out and see what happens.
I’ve had friends say “Yeah, the date didn’t go so well, so afterwards I went to the house of my “piece on the side.” They were able to get sex when they wanted it. As a result, they were empowered to pursue the sex they really wanted.
Get you validation from your life, not from women. Too many men rely on women for their sense of validation, self-respect, and self-esteem. They live as if women’s opinions of them are what matters. If they have a good interaction with an attractive woman, they feel good about themselves. When an interaction goes bad, they feel badly about themselves. This need to be validated by women in order to feel good about themselves robs these men of their confidence with women.
If you want to have an easy sense of confidence with women, how do you make this work? Practically, this means finding ways to be in love with your own life, and to have the things you are up to in your life be validating for you. Success with women and success with life are similar. Just as women won’t go out of their way to bring you sexual success, life doesn’t go out of its way to bring you life-success. Just as your sex life is your responsibility to make the way you want it, your life as a whole is your responsibility to make the way you want it. If you want success with women, it makes sense to have long-term goals for your life that inspire you and that you are moving towards, no matter how slowly. If you do this, you’ll get your validation from your lift, rather than from woman.
Woman are attracted to men who have passion and fire for their lives. They aren’t any more interested in providing the validation for your life than you are in providing the validation for theirs. When you have goals, male friends, and a life that inspires you, you’ll be validated by what you are up to, and women will want to be a part of your life. If won’t matter to you if they say “yes” or “no” when you ask them out, seduce them, and go for that first kiss. You’ll be validated by your life, and easily able to move on the next woman.
How to Become Confident With Women
Overcoming the two stumbling Blocks on the Road to Confidence. Confidence stumbling block #1: Fear of Rejection
While the successful seducer knows that every “no” is only another step on the way to he inevitable “YES”, a man who fears rejection fears it because he makes it mean that there is something wrong with him. Here are some solutions:
The 30 Days Program for Getting Over Fear Of Rejection.
You must get yourself so used to rejection from women that it no longer has any negative meaning to you. A simple way to do this is to start small, with the easy-to-follow, thirty-day rejection-stomping confidence-building program.
If you are scared to talk to women and scared of rejection from women, this simple program will get you talking to them daily, and laughing in the face of rejection. It’s straight forward, painless, and easy to do. It’s based on a simple two-letter word that, when you use it with women, will build your confidence, start your talking, and be the first step in getting women into your life.
Are you ready for the word ??
The word is “Hi!” To build your confidence with women and to overcome your fear of rejection, for the next thirty days, say “hi” to women in public at least six times a day. That’s all there is to it. You are walking down the street, you see an attractive women, you say “hi” to her, and walk on. You see the next attractive women, and you say “hi” to her, too. And so on.
Don’t be deceived by the simplicity of this program. If you are willing to actually do it, and to actually say “hi” to a member of women out in public every day, your confidence will rise, your fear of rejection will diminish, and your success with women will improve. Here’s why:
First, your confidence will improve because you actually will be talking to women. Saying “hi” is wonderful because the interaction ends quickly. Like some other techniques I’ll show you for building confidence, the “hi” interaction doesn’t put your ego on the line, and doesn’t give her much chance to reject you. What’s the worst thing she’ll do, glare at you as you walk by? Who cares? It’s not like you’ve risked your whole ego by asking her out or trying to kiss her. You’ll get into the habit of seeing women who attract you, and talking to them. And that’s good.
Second, women’s responses to you will become less important to you. You’ll find that you are being the kind of man you want to be, the kind of man who says hello to whatever kind of woman appeals to him, no matter what her response might be. You’ll become less scared of rejection as you notice that some women smile and say “hi” back, that some women are in their own world and don’t even seem to notice you spoke, and that some women glare at you darkly and reach for their police whistle. You’ll start to see that it doesn’t matter; all that matters is that you are making life work for you by starting to approach the women who attract you.
Third, you actually will get into more conversations with women if you set a precedent of talking to them right away. Have you ever been in a situation in which you would have spoken to a woman, but the fact that you’ve initially ignored her makes it hard to start? This happened to my friend. After you have practice saying “hi” for a few weeks, it’ll be second nature for you to see that woman in line, look her in the face, smile, and say “hi”. You’ll be relaxed and not concerned with her response. And it will then be natural for the two of you to talk more, and for you to be able to use the tools from the rest of this book to seduce her.
The Five Secrets of A Seductive Home
Think about your home. Think about the kitchen, the living room, your bedroom. Picture it in your mind. Now ask yourself the following questions:
First ask yourself, “Is this a home that will make the women I most desire to have sex with me?” most of the men I work with have to answer, “no”. When they look at their homes from the perspective of the women they desire, they find they can understand why these women wouldn’t want them.
Second, ask yourself, “What’s the message my home sends to the women I’m attracted to?” Most men find that their home doesn’t send the message they want to send. It sends messages like “I’m still a boy” or “I’m not really going anywhere in my life.” If your home doesn’t seem like a comfortable place to spend romantic time in, then you are sending a message that “romance isn’t important to me.”
Now think about homes you’ve seen that seem to send romantic messages to women. While many of these homes may seem expensive, and expensively furnished, their style follows basic principles you can follow, too, to make your home more inviting and romantic. While this entire list needs to be followed only right before a date, it will be easier for you if the basics are in place all of the time.
1. A Seductive home looks like an adult lives there
A seductive home is not a dorm room, a closet, a warehouse, a garbage dump, or a science experiment. It’s not a place for random friends to hang out, or a pornographic poster supply house. Any of these things will leave women thinking that you are still stuck in your adolescence, and they won’t desire you.
2. A seductive home is clean
Specifically, the details should be clean. It’s best if the miniblinds are clean , and there are no dust-bunnies in the corners. The areas that are most important to your date should be cleanest, and the areas that are least important, or that you think you can keep your date out of, can be ignored. If she wouldn’t see your kitchen unless she spent the night, for instance, you can get away without cleaning it. Because she will already have had sex with you by the time she sees it the next morning, the fact that it is a mess won’t wreck your chances with her.
The bathroom, on the other hand, must be absolutely clean. There is no middle ground on this one. One man I know tried to get around this by talking the lightbulb out of the bathroom so his date couldn’t see how dirty it was. This only annoyed her. You must clean the bathroom thoroughly before a date comes to your house.
3. A seductive home is properly lit
The lighting should be subdued and controlled. Bright overhead lights will make your date feel tense, like she’s being interrogated. Try soft, reflected light. This can be a lamp with a 40-watt bulb, rather than a 100-watt bulb, or candles, or light coming in from the next room. There should be shadows and patterns of light and mystery. It should be welcoming, not antiseptic. This idea is hard for many men to grasp because they are used to lighting spaces in order to get things done in them. Did you know that some women try to stay out of fluorescent lighting because of how it makes them look? Your seductive rooms aren’t workshops. Be sensitive to having romantic lighting.
4. A seductive home is unpacked and set up
It’s amazing how many people still live out of boxes years after moving into their homes. One man who’s lived in his house for four years still hasn’t put up his pictures. When I told him it could make his house more romantic, he replied “What’s the point of putting pictures up if the house isn’t clean?” While I agree that it’s important to have a clean house, it’s also important to have a set up home. Unpack those boxes, and hang those pictures!
5. A seductive home has romantic potential
A seductive home makes a woman feel like she’s in a place she can relax. The pictures on the walls don’t have to be originals, but they should be framed and hung properly. There are flowers and healthy-looking plants. The furniture is clean, and if it’s old or funky, it has a throw cover on it. The carpet has been vacuumed recently and there are no piles of paper or random belongings around. The music is soft and sexy. Everything seems to have a proper place, and is in it.
A seductive home has a seductive bedroom. The bed should be made and large, at least a double bed in size. There should be plenty of pillows, pictures on the wall, and, of course, the sheetsshould be clean. If you are going to have romantic dates in your home, coordinate your seductions with your roommates beforehand. If you want the living room for the evening, for instance, talk to housemates and see if they’ll stay out of the house till at least a certain hour. You don’t want to be interrupted by people coming in, just when you are going for that first kiss.
And speaking of interruptions, in homes with romantic potential, the volume on the answering machine is set to “zero”. More than one of my friends has been ready to make that first move when the phone has rung, the answering machines has picked up, and another woman’s voice has started blaring through the room! Turn answering machines down, and don’t answer the phone when you have a date over.
Your style in how you dress, how you keep your car, and how your home looks tells women a lot about you, and helps them decide whether to make you into a hot lover or a lowly “friend”. You must take control of these areas, and make sure that the messages you send with them are attractive, intriguing, mature and adult. Everything else you learn in this book can be undone by poor personal style. Make sure that you have it handled.
Three Ways To Make Your Car Into A Rolling Seduction Chamber
By now you’ve learned what you need to know to give women the right message with how you look. You’ve learned the importance of developing your personal style, looking good, and taking care of the details. You’re looking hot and feeling good. You have a chance of getting a date, so now it’s time to start thinking about the other expressions of your personal style that women will see: your car and your home.
One of the most common lies women tell is that they don’t care about men’s cars. In a sense, we suppose, they are telling the truth: intellectually, they don’t care, and don’t think they could be swayed emotionally by such silly things. Women often like to make fun of men’s car as “extensions of their penises” (as if that’s a bad thing!). on an emotional level, however, women do respond to the kind of car you drive, and to how clean or dirty you keep it. They’ll just rarely tell you the truth about it.
This was brought home to us vividly when Esther, a female friend, started dating a new man. Esther is a powerful, can-do kind of woman. She’s very successful in her business, and is known for her hard-edged, no-nonsense attitude. She would often list her requirements in a man to her friends and was very clear that there was no way she’d have sex with a man right away. Or, anyway, that’s what she thought until she met Keith.
Esther put it this way. “We had dinner, and everything was going well. We had met at the restaurant and he was about to give me a ride home. It turns out he has a Cadillac Coupe deVille! When he set me into that plush leather seat, and closed the door with that satisfying “click”, I said to myself “I’m having sex with this man!” Which she did, that very night.
We were shocked by her revelation, but it taught us something important: the experience a woman has in your car can make or break your seduction. Most of us don’t have cars as nice as Keith’s but there are still things you can do to make your car a more seductive space for the women you date.
Like your way of dressing, your car sends a message to women. Your car can be an important part of your seduction strategy. Teenagers aren’t the only ones who have sex in cars, and many successful sexual experiences start in men’s cars, and move to the bedroom later. Here are the three ways to make your car into a rolling seduction chamber.
1. Make your car clean
It’ll be hard to create the right romantic mood in your car if it is messy. In this society, where people are increasingly living out of their cars, it’s easy to fill it with work projects, books, fast-food garbage, and things you’ve been meaning to take out, but haven’t. If you are going to give a woman a ride somewhere, it’s important that your car not seem like a dumpster with wheels. Remember, you are sending a message to women with every expression of your style that you make. Remember also that she is judging your style to see if she wants to have sex with you or not. If your car is clean and comfortable, you’ve made it past another hurdle. If it isn’t, she’ll get the message that you are a slob and not in control of your life, and be less attracted to you.
If you do need to carry a lot of stuff, get some organizer baskets to keep in your car. Dwight had to make a lot of overnight trips for his work, and had to keep files, product samples, and personal belongings in his car all the time. Not a naturally organized person, his car was always a mess of papers, trash, and dirty laundry. Though his guy friends didn’t mind the mess, women were repelled, and he wondered why he had so few second dates.
We had Dwight buy a number of plastic baskets, tubs and organizers, and simply organize what was in his car. Once everything had its proper place, the car looked neat, even though there was a lot in it. Instead of making him look like a slob, his car made him look like an organized man who was serious about doing his job well.
If a woman sees your car messy, we suggest that you don’t bother apologizing. Women are sick of guys who apologize for being slobs rather than having their lives together. Simply take the time to clear room for her, act like nothing is out of the ordinary, and hope you can see her again with a neat car.
2. Make your car romantic
If you are going to use your car as part of your seduction strategy – and you should – you should have the right equipment to make your car romantic. We suggest you have blankets and pillows in the trunk, in case a romantic walk in the woods becomes something more. You should have good romantic music on the stereo, and condoms hidden in the glove compartment.
You should not have anything in the car that will turn a woman off. Penthouse air fresheners, complete with naked centerfold pictures, should not be hanging off your rear-view mirror. Ditto for fuzzy dice. Your car shouldn’t smell either. The scent of old burritos or stale cigarette smoke is not a turn-on for most women.
You should also get rid of any signs of other women in the car, as I’ll show you how to do in a later. One of my friends ran into trouble when he was dating several women. One had folded a pretty paper swan for him, and written “Christy and Mike” on the wings. She had given it to him in his car and put it on his dashboard and kissed her so passionately that they went back to his house to have sex. Unfortunately, after he drove her home later in the evening, he forgot about the paper bird on the dashboard. The next day, when he picked up Jane for their date, she saw it immediately, read the message on it, and took great offense.
Your car should be comfortable, romantic, smell good, and not remind your date of other woman.
3. Make you car work
Doors and windows should work on your car; women don’t like to have to slide across the driver’s seat to get to the passenger’s. Also, your muffler should work. A loud car tells a woman that your life is out of control and you can’t take care of your property. If you can’t take care of your car, how will you take care of her?
We do suggest that you open the car door for any woman you are with, and close the door behind her. It’s not necessary to say anything about doing this – in fact, it’s better if you don’t – but you should do it. When you open the door for a woman, it shows her that you are going to take care of her and treat her like she is special. No matter how much she believes politically that men and women should be equal, on a romantic level she will appreciate you making this gesture.
