How To Succeed With Women

So You’ve Found The Women To Talk To: Now How Do You Do It ?

Many men are very analytical in their approach to life. They think about life practically, and they think about women practically. They get caught in the paralysis of analysis. This is a huge error. Romance is not practical, logical, or even sensible.

Bob thinks women and romance should be logical. When he’s been attracted to women and had the nerve to actually approach them, he’s figured that it’s best to be direct. “After all,” he says, “women like men who are direct and honest. What could be more honest than telling them about my attraction to them?” He’s tried to seduce women friends by explaining to them how logical it would be for them to have relationship. “You say you like me, and I like you. It doesn’t make any sense for us to not get involved!” He’s never understood why they’ve said no to him. His practical, logical approach drives women away.

What is Flirting?
To date women successfully you must master flirting. Flirting is not practical or direct. But it does follow basic principles, and once you understand them, you’ll be miles ahead of other men in talking to and being successful with women.

Think about kids playing together. They don’t cry to accomplish anything; all they are interested in is games. They take on roles with each other effortlessly. They play cowboys, and one kid is the cowboy, another is the Indian. Or they play house, and one kid is the father and the other is the mother. Or they play doctor, and one kid is the doctor while the other is the patient. (That’s the kind of playing you want to do with adult women!) They dress up to get into the roles better. They let their imaginations run free. It’s all ultimately meaningless, but they don’t care; they just want to have fun.

They also love games, both pre-made and ones they make up. And most of the time, they aren’t overly concerned about winning. Just being together playing is enough to make them happy. Kids relate by playing, and if they can play, they feel relater to each other, though they don’t think about it that way. Playing is a way of being in “the zone” together.

Adults play differently. First, let’s look at how men play with men. I usually don’t think of it as play, but watching sports together, or talking about sports, is a way men play with each other. After all, sports are ultimately meaningless: which team wins the NBA title this year really isn’t going to make that big a difference in the grand scheme of things. It really isn’t. Sorry. But the point is, by caring about it together, by watching the games, yelling and screaming at the players together, and keeping track of the player’s statistics, men play together. Because of all this, they are feeling the togetherness and un-self-conscious love for each other that kids feel.

The other way men play together is through joking with each other and playing jokes on each other. The little jokes that men make about each other, the loving insults traded back and forth, are bonding for men.

Men and women, on the other hand, play together differently. As most men have discovered, playing with women the way they do with men doesn’t work. Women aren’t interested in sports statistics. And the jokes you make with your buddies only offend the women you know. Having learned this stuff the hard way, men decide to not play with women at all. They approach women the way Bob does, logically and practically. And they get no results at all.

Flirting is the way men and women play. If you can’t flirt, you can’t play with women, and if you can’t play with women, they won’t be romantically interested in you. Flirting is one of the ways women find out what you’ll be like as a lover, and what you’d be like in a relationship. If you aren’t playful, imaginative, and fun to be with when she first meets you, what will you be like to date? And what will you be in bed? Bob impresses the ladies as a cold fish. He seems stiff, analytical and calculating. Even if he can logically show them they should be interested in him, his lack of playfulness doesn’t touch them inside. His outcome-oriented approach is anything but playful.

Let’s look at how Bruce, an accomplished flirter, handles women he is attracted to. At the bank, for instance, he flirts with the cute female teller as he makes his deposits. “So,” he asks with a smile. “Do you get to keep a percentage of all the money you take in each day? It only seems fair, don’t you think?” She laughs and says, “Oh, that would be nice, especially on payday.” He jokes that “but then you might get docked a percentage of the money that goes out! We can’t be having that happen to you!” She laughs again, and notices her connection with him. As he leaves he says, “Thank you, O Banking Goddess!” “It’s not a bank – it’s a credit union!” she laughs after him. He leaves, and thinks about how happy she’ll be to see next time.

Bruce knows that flirting with a woman creates opportunities. It’s a chance to have fun interacting with a woman, to build up to asking her for a date, and to pre-qualify women to see if they are interested in sex and relationships. When Bruce flirts, he has fun and makes women like him. He finds out how responsive they are to him, and prepares them for going out with him. Teaching you how to do this is the focus of this chapter.

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